Zach

Chapter 3

"It's time for your appointment now." mother said blandly. She has been taking special pills, she calls them 'happy pills' and takes them every morning. I grabbed my backpack and went to the car. Mother sighed as she followed me out.

"Why can't you be normal and happy, Zach?" Mother said expressionlessly and then we were quiet the rest of the ride there. She didn't want to come in with me, so I walked in alone and the desk ladies told me that Dr. Ivin was waiting, I guess it was normal for eight year-olds come in alone. "Why hello, Zach. Your mother is not with you today?" Dr. Ivin greeted me.

"Uh, no, I don't think so. Not today."

"Oh, that's okay. She doesn't have to come everytime, you're a big boy."

"I guess."

"Will she be picking you up?"

"I imagine she will."

"If you need a ride, don't hesitate to ask, alright?"

"Okay."

"So overall, how would you describe your mood today?

"Uh, the same, I guess. Empty."

Every time I say something or move, he writes it down.

"Have you been taking your medicine like we discussed?" He asked, pen in hand ready to write.

"Yes. Every day like you told me. Mother has been making sure." I said.

"Has there been any improvement? In any way?" he questioned.

"Not at all. I still feel the same. Empty and numb. None of the feelings like you described." I replied honestly. I don't remember what feelings feel like.

"Do you want to try and switch pills again?" Dr. Ivin looked at me expectantly.

I shook my head furiously. "No! I'm tired of changing pills. I just wanna be like everyone else my age."

The doctor nodded. "I know, Zach. Maybe one day, but we have to change your pills because the ones you're taking aren't working like they should."

"Alright I guess. Change them, again." I said under my breath.

••ꗹ••

At the end of the session, I waited outside for mother, who decided not to come get me. Dr. Ivin gets off work around 7 P.M., our appointments end around 10 A.M.

When he was leaving his office he found me sitting on the curb just outside the building. He asked me what I was still doing here, "I guess mother just forgot, maybe she fell asleep and didn't set an alarm, or maybe she did but was really tired, I don't know." I said slowly.

"Do you need a ride, Zach?" Dr. Ivin politely asked.

"Okay."

Dr. Ivin drove me home after looking for my address in the files. Mother was sleeping when I got home, I know because she wasn't answering my calls from the door and her alarm was going off. Father was still at work or perhaps a bar. I went to go shut it off, but she was nowhere near her phone. It was tangled in her blankets on her bed and she wasn't.

I decided to look for her, I felt that a normal child might do that instead of eating. First I looked in the kitchen, the only thing in there was a burnt bird, maybe it's a chicken. Then, I searched in the basement, she does her sewing down there. It was dark and no one was here. I searched a lot of other places, the laundry room, the garage, everywhere. The whole house was dark.

The only place I hadn't looked was in mother and father's exclusive bathroom, the one in their room next to the closet.

The more I crept into their room, the more I could see that the bathroom light was on. I guess I hadn't noticed it before, it was a bit lighter out the first time I was in here.

As I opened the door, it stopped opening, as if something was barricading the door. I pushed and pushed until finally it was open enough for me to step inside.

Mother was lying on the floor in front of the door with foam coming out of her mouth. There was an orange and empty medicine bottle next to her, the kind in the medicine cabinet that I'm allowed to open.

I called 911 with our home phone. I thought maybe that was appropriate.

"Hello? 911, what's your emergency?"

"Mother is on the bathroom floor asleep."

Eventually, father came home drunk claiming he had to stay at work late. He arrived after all the police, confused and disoriented.

Some lady who has been talking to me, asking stupid questions, told father what happened. I think he called her a social worker. We sat on the back of an ambulance covered in blankets for quite a while before we could actually go to the hospital to see mother.

She was pale and I could see all her bones and veins, she looked dead.

••ꗹ••

We spent nights at this hospital. It smells of the old and dying, medicine and false hope, death.

The next morning, the doctor came in and told my dad and I that mother was doing well. He said she would more than likely pull out of her drug induced coma.

Father and the people taking care of my sickly mother hoped and wished and prayed for mother to come back. I wouldn't mind if she abandoned us to die. I think it'd make her happier, I think normal children want their parents to be happy.