Dream Walker

5밤, 25일 12월

5밤, Night 5
December 25, 2013

Shattered into a thousand needle fragments, my heart beat furiously against my chest. It pounded against my bones, knocking against its cage continuously, as if my skin could tear open from the sudden pain.

I winced.

My breaths became unbalanced and I felt my lungs become tight. Occupied with the feeling of angst, I pulled my hand over my chest and fisted the material of my tee shirt into my palm.

I open my eyes.

Even with such heartache, there was no denying the unhappy ending that would result in this chapter - my love story - but I was content.

I looked forward to this ending.

I smiled alone and reached over to harvest a poppy from the grass horizon. They were coloured a beautiful red, graceful like silk, and carried petals that could tear with the slightest touch.

Yet I continued to pluck. One poppy to another, I collected until a miniature bouquet was in my hands. I knew the fate that would come to this lay, these floral delicacies; the destruction that would happen to the world sculpted right from her imagination, the world that had brought endless days of happiness to her...

I knew the hills would disappear as quick as they were brought into existence and I knew that, in the most excruciating way, I would suffer, watching the sun, itself, shrivel into the beautiful unknown. So I vowed to an commitment that to remember all that lived here, I would create a reason for the grass to grow, for the sky to be blue, and for the sun to shimmer, because that was something worthwhile.

I wanted to create a reason for Hani; for Hani, who only wanted happiness in her life.

Like the sun deprived of its light by a weeping sky full of wistful clouds, she was a rainy day - not as fierce as a rainstorm that roared with thunder and struck with lightening. It was simple that Choi Hani was just a gloomy day.

In a poorly lit room, she represented the shadows, abiding in their deepest, darkest corners. Dripping with ink, she personified a sad poem, written with words that quivered and quaked, like the sobs that realised their mistakes, their faults, or the moment the machine was screeching in a pitch everyone feared; When a heart was no longer alive.

She didn't feel alive anymore, she didn't feel lively anymore.

Hani believed she was just dead.

Her entire life, she believed she was dead.

But I thought to prove her wrong...

Up until now, it was definite to believe that she felt like her happiness was finally given back to her. In this morbid misfortune, Hani felt like her death helped return her happiness back to her - I refused to believe that. It wasn't something I felt I should be happy for.

In fact, all I wanted, was just to be a part of that happiness...

I look up from the small bunch of poppies in my hands and look for Hani. Outside of the short hill top I was on, her frail body sprawled out upon the grass. I was anxious, nervous. I glance back down to the small bouquet held within my grasp, suddenly feeling unconfident.

I'm such a coward. An unworthy, little coward, who couldn't even be selfless for just a single moment...

I sighed, pausing in my tracks as I turned around on my heel. I couldn't give her these - these poppies. These imaginary, fake, unrealistic poppies that would eventually wither away as Hani said they would. No, I won't give her these. She was more special to me than a small bunch of pretend flowers; She meant more to me than that, she meant a million unspoken words to me.

I would not give her these flowers. Instead, I return the poppies back to where I had harvested them from their roots. I set them down where I had carelessly plucked them and caressed their broken stems.

I'm sorry for pulling you from your homes, little poppies...

And I stand up, looking down at the lifeless flowers, limp upon the strands of grass with the only question I seemed to ask myself every day: Would Hani ever let me be a part of her happiness?

I pulled my hand over my chest and grasped the material of my tee shirt into my palm. Something inside me whispered, "Yes," but I didn't want to believe it. Nobody accepted me. Even with such heartache, there was no denying the unhappy ending that would result in this chapter - my love story.

I looked forward to this ending.

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I apologise for the super duper long 2 weeks I took to update ;-; I made this too short but I thought getting a bit more personal with taehyung was needed -broken heart- (Overall ideas of the chapter: Taehyung feels uneasy about his feelings for Hani.) This was less than half of my usually long chapters .-.