Plan B

Chapter Five

The story I wove for Jane had a few holes in it but I wore it close. I told her that we had gone back to Daytonne's place and talked for an hour or so before we both fell asleep, fully clothed, on the couch. I told her that I got up while Daytonne was still sleeping and came home. I didn't want to talk about it so I told her I needed to crash. This was at least true. I slept most of that afternoon and stayed in my room all evening. Over the next few days, I acted like nothing was different. We went to our classes, drank tea outside in the evenings on our porch and chatted in the casual way of best friends. If Jane spied something was amiss, she kept it to herself. I felt a pressure renewed in me to get back on track. I needed a replacement for Marcus - someone who wanted to build a future. That one night stand with Daytonne was a bright red sports car, fun to take off the lot for a quick joy ride but much too risky to buy. I wanted the hatch back Lexus - top quality, safe, with lots of room for the 2.5 kids I planned to have and their friends.

If I didn't get focused, I would never get back on track. I was desperate. After Marcus left me, I mostly ignored the advances from the guys on campus. But now, even if my heart wasn't in it, I needed to make an effort. Over the next week, I made an effort to not close down conversations, or look away when guys made eye contact with me.

On Friday, I ate lunch in the cafeteria at Robarts, the largest library on campus. A very decent looking guy in dark blue jeans and a yellow button down shirt sat beside me, several business texts stacked in front of him. We were both eating the taco salad. He made small talk about the salad, which segued to talking about the student campus cookbook. It was pleasant. He introduced himself as Jeremy Twinns, shook my hand, and asked me if I wanted to go for lunch tomorrow. I said, 'yes'. He offered to pick me up. I said, 'no'. Even though he looked harmless I was playing it safe.

I chose to wear my short denim skirt, and a close fitting long sleeve purple shirt. I wore my favorite pair of purple boots to match my top. We had agreed to meet at the restaurant, a small place near Bloor and Spadina that sold falafels and salads, food that students could afford. Jeremy was there when I arrived. We talked about the latest movies. Had I seen Pulp Fiction? What about that dance scene? We also talked about our futures. Jeremy was getting his MBA and hoped to find work in the computer industry. He nodded politely when I told him about my graduate degree. He said I must be a very compassionate person. He said it in that way that implies there is something foreign and strange about the people I want to help.

When I excused myself to use the washroom, I knew he was checking out the view from behind. I put an extra swing in my hips even though my heart wasn't really in it. After lunch, we walked along Bloor Street towards campus. We passed the local juice bar. Jeremy touched my back and suggested we get something. He kept his hand on my back as we waited in line. I could smell his cologne. I recognized it as Polo because Marcus had always used the same one.  We sat in a booth by the floor to ceiling windows, sipping our carrot- apple-celery concoctions.

Gil came in just as we were close to leaving. I knew I might run into her at some point but it didn't stave off the dread and excitement that Daytonne may be with her. Of course they would be together. They were roommates, and probably sex buddies, and this was the local, campus juice bar. But it was Gil alone who stood in the long line to the counter. I conceded then that she was alone. I refocused on Jeremy till I saw her heading to to the door, holding two drinks.

The door opened and Daytonne jogged in, her bike helmet under her arm. She was out of breath, and bright eyed. She reached out to take the proffered drink from Gil's hand. She saw me. I was the deer in the headlights. I couldn't flee even though I was terrified. It scared me how much feeling was set free at the sight of her. I wanted to touch and even smell her. I wanted to run away. Daytonne glanced over at Jeremy and back to me. She looked blank. I retrained my eyes on Jeremy. I had lost the thread of the conversation and had no idea what he was talking about. I could see Gil and Daytonne leave the restaurant. Through the window, I saw them sitting side by side on a bench just outside the store.  Gil had turned to face her and was leaning in as she spoke. Daytonne stared straight ahead. Jeremy stood up to go. I didn't want to leave yet. I wanted to watch her from the safety of our booth. But I couldn't come up with a reason to stay. We headed to the door, Jeremy's hand once again on my back, guiding me through the exit. Daytonne watched as he moved his arm over my shoulder. Her expression was empty.

On the way home, I kept thinking about how I was with what could be a decent guy, and annoyed with myself for being preoccupied with her. When we got to my door, Jeremy leaned in to kiss me. I let him. He cupped my face with his hands, told me I was pretty, and kissed me again. I let it go on, waiting and wanting the kiss to ignite me.  He kissed well but there was no spark.  When he left, he said he would call. 

I made myself some peppermint tea, and came back out on the porch to think. I didn't want Jeremy. I wanted Daytonne. And if she was into hooking up with alot of girls, maybe I couldn't have her, because I couldn't share her. But I wasn't going to pretend anymore that I didn't desire her or feel a connection to her. I stood up, resolved to go to her place and plead my case. And there she was, cycling down my street. I watched the graceful way she moved. She didn't see me until she had climbed the porch steps. She rubbed her hands down the outside of her legs, a small crack in her usual composure. She remained standing, keeping her distance.

'Hi.', she said.

'Hi'.

'Was that your boyfriend?'

'I slept with you just a few days ago.'

She shrugged.

'I don't do that,' I said.

'But you think I do.'

I didn't think I had to state the obvious but I guess I did. I didn't judge her for it either. I realized I had been less than completely rational the other morning. 'You sleep around. I don't have a problem with that. Well, maybe when your roommate kissed you right in front of me. But I am not judging it. It just isn't me, okay?'

Daytonne took a step toward me. She reached into her knapsack and brought out a square package. 'I have been carrying this around for the past couple of days, debating with myself whether to show up at your place uninvited to give it to you.' She handed it to me and I opened it. It was the framed photo I had admired. 'I know it isn't what you would expect. It isn't flowers, or chocolates. It isn't traditional. But it is meaningful. Being with you was meaningful, Juliette. Yes, what you said about me is true. I am not going to deny it and I don't feel badly about it. But like I said that night, I like you. I don't want to be with anyone else right now, and I told Gil that, too. I think it is you who is unsure about changing her ways. I can tell that this.....being with a woman.... isn't what you had planned. For the record, I want to get to know you better, I don't want to sleep with anyone else.' She took a step closer to me. 'How about you? What do you want?'

I looked at Daytonne. I thought about her question. What I knew was that right now, with her, I felt alive. I had no clue what was going to happen between us. It was kind of exciting, even if it was scary as hell. Screw plan A. Plan B was where life really happened, in the unknown, and in the moment. I took her hand and kissed each of her fingertips. I placed her hand around my back and pulled her to me. She laughed.  'I guess there is my answer', she said. I nodded and kissed her. It was the fireworks of fairytales. A post-modern lesbian fairy tale.

'I knew it!!', I heard from behind me. We both turned to see Jane standing on the top step, her hands on her hips. 'I bloody knew it!'. Her mouth was open in mock shock. 'Excuse me, Daytonne', she said, and grabbed my hand. 'She will be right back.' Jane yanked me into the hallway and shut the front door. 'Are you happy?' she said. I nodded vigorously. 'Okay, then. Later, you will tell me everything', she said. I wiggled my eyebrows, and headed back outside. I had a life to live. It wasn't a well defined one yet but it was mine and I was going to live it to the fullest.

The End. Thank you for reading this short tale of tall desire. Happy Pride!!