𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨

Part 1 ~ I Have Nothing

Charlotte's Point Of View ~

"Michael, where are you going? . . " I ask in a whisper.  

His head hangs down as his eyes pay no attention to me. It feels as if his heart is nowhere near mine. 

"I'm so sorry Charlotte . . "

" . . but I must go . . " 

Michael's voice is so sad. It's so quiet. His heart seems to be breaking as he tries to speak. He lifts his head . . his eyes are on mine now yet I feel his heart is still miles away. I don't understand what is happening right now. Why does Michael have to leave? I'm looking at him, he's looking at me. But I break the stare as my eyes find his suitcase instead that he holds in his hands before I meet his once again. I'm just trying to understand all of this. I blink a few times as tears fall from my glassy eyes. My vision seems to fade away. 

He walks up to me slowly. 

His brown eyes looking straight into my green ones. His warm hand is gently place upon my damp cheek. 

"Michael, why? . . why are you going? . . " I ask softly. 

" . . why do you have to go? . . please don't go . . " I say softly, sobbing this time. 

"I'm so sorry Charlotte. But I have to go . . " He says in a sad whisper.  

My hand takes a gentle yet desperate hold onto his wrist as his hand still sits on my cheek. There is nothing more being said between us. He is telling me that he must go . . go where and why? Michael walks past me and towards the front door and out of my life. I turn around to watch him walk out the door. 

_________________

I was eighteen when my happiness disappeared. 

When the one person that I love more than anything in the world . . left. I didn't stop him, I couldn't. How could I? There was nothing that I could've done to bring him back. I just had to let him go. He didn't mean to go though. It may have seemed simple but it was hard. Not a why it was just that he had to. I watched in complete shock, utter heartbreak. And it's something that I can't stop thinking about. As crazy as it sounds, I still love Michael. Even though he broke my heart. Did Michael just suddenly realise that he had to leave? Did he even have a choice? 

Did he try to fight so that he could stay? 

But he's gone. And now I have nothing. 

I don't know what it may have been. It still puzzles me today. I think about him every single day. I feel as if I have this cloud that sits above my head and it just will not stop raining. I just can't understand why he left and now I'm just here . . crying and wanting him to return one day. It's the most heartbreaking thing in the world because I know he won't. I watched him leave, I just stood still. I froze. I couldn't believe what was happening, what I was seeing before my eyes. I was speechless, heart broken because deep down I knew I was never going to ever see him again. 

I release a deep breathe. 

I'm sitting beside the window of my parents house. The trees blow from the cool wind that is  outside. The birds that used to sing happily each day have disappeared. It's too cold for them now. The rain continues to fall from the grey sky high above me outside. Well, it matches my mood right now. 

It's Winter. 

Where I live, there is no such thing as a white winter. It doesn't snow here . . 

It just rains, sometimes endlessly it feels. A take a gentle hold onto the handle of my coffee mug. The steam. I watch as it curls and twists up into the warm air that's inside of this room - my bedroom. A place that is for me only and where I can truely feel how I wish to feel. I wrap both my hands around the hot mug, heating them up immediately. I bring it to my nose, inhaling the smell of my second love in this world. Caffeine. 

I take a sip, satisfied. My legs are outstretched in front of me, crossed at the ankles. Yet I bring them up to my chest. Huddling with myself. These legs of mine are in a pair of grey sweat pants. My feet sit warmly in a pair of black ugg boots while my upper body also sits warmly in a large black hoodie. My back is leaning against the wall, my eyes staring outside towards the terror of the cold. The wind suddenly gets loud. I hear it howl and it sends shivers everywhere on my being. It's beautiful to see though. I love how the rain drops sit upon the window, watching them slide gracefully down the glass. I love seeing that. I never had such a problem with this season . . but now. It halt's everything. Yet it never fails to bring up my deepest and darkest of thoughts. 

I always think about him. 

Always. 

Where is he? 

I am trying so hard to not think about him. To not have questions answered. It's so fucking hard. Trying my hardest to stay strong, to keep my head held high even though I'm broken inside. It has been a few months now since. I am not this person . . sad, withdrawn. Ugh this is not who I am at all. I just wish I could talk to him so that he can just tell me why? 

Why did he have to go? 

It's just not the same with Michael and how it feels with Michael. 

to be continued.