𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨

Part 2 ~ Misunderstood

Charlotte's Point Of View ~ 

I wake up with not much to say really. My mind going back to him, constantly. I walk downstairs, hearing the stairs creek with almost every step I take. I'm wearing a black hoodie with grey pants and black socks. My hair is sitting in a high messy bun. 

I feel sick. I don't feel well. I haven't felt good since . . 

I just wanna cry. I miss him dearly. 

In an attempt to keep me warm from the 7am early morning chill that I have suddenly felt, I wrap my arms around myself . . wishing they were someone else's arms and not my own. These green eyes of mine are tired still, feeling they are not green anymore but red and very glassy. I hear my mother's voice as she wants my attention as she has now seen me. 

"Charlotte, honey" . . 

"Are you having some breakfast? . . " She asks. 

I shake my sore head. My brain aching with pain from a headache that I have woken up with from the little amount of sleep last night and not to mention the few nights before that. It's been a few months now since Michael left. And since then, I just haven't been the same person that I was before it all suddenly happened. I haven't been sleeping that well, sometimes not at all. But that's just me dealing with it, I guess. 

It know it's bad. Unhealthy. But I can't help that. I am crying when I need to and just getting it all out of my system. I'm just mourning the loss of the love of my life. This is how I'm handling it. 

It's so hard. But I am trying . . really hard, I am.

"Charlotte is everything okay with you, honey . . " 

My mother asks me. She knows somethings is in fact wrong with me. She knows exactly why too. She hasn't really said much to me about him but most of the time I feel that she just doesn't understand. Always casually saying to me 'there are more fish in the sea'. It's things like that that don't sit very well with me at all. I don't want to be this way . . I just need time. I see my mother walk towards me slowly, putting her finger underneath my chin so that I can look her in the eyes. 

She knows. I know she does. 

"Charlotte, did you get any sleep last night? . . " She asks kinda bluntly. 

I move her finger away from my chin. Looking away instantly. I shake my head as I look down. 

"No I didn't . . " I say softly. 

"Charlotte you need to stop it with him" . . 

"Your going to make yourself sick . . " Her voice is stern. 

My mother walks back to the jug, pouring the now boiled water into her large coffee mug. My mum just doesn't understand any of this. She doesn't know how to talk to me about it, I guess. I wish that she could put herself in my shoes. She doesn't know what I'm always feeling. Nobody does. Nobody knows what I'm going through. They don't understand. Someone I love hurt me but yet I still love him. Even more than before. 

 I turn my head to the left of me as I see my sister walk into the kitchen. 

She looks at me but I look away. I walk out of the kitchen, very quickly. Back upstairs into my room. I'm not really that hungry anyways. I sit down on my unmade, morning bed. The sun shinning in through the windows. I pick up my phone, my mind has only one thought. I look at  some photos of Michael. So gorgeous. And he never saw that about himself. It's so upsetting. He never knew just how beautiful he is. I brush my thumb softly over the screen of my phone . . wishing it was his soft, warm flesh and not some cold screen. A tear escapes from my tired eyes, running down my cheek. 

"I miss you, Michael. Where are you? . . " I whisper to myself. 

I hear a gentle knock on my door. I wipe the tear away quickly, looking up towards my bedroom door.

"Come in . . " I say, trying my best to sound like I'm not upset. 

I see my sister once again, she walks inside and closes the door behind her. Walking over to stand in front of me. 

"You okay? . . " She asks me gently. 

I nod "mmhmm . . " I say, forcing a small smile. 

"Do you wanna go and get coffee this morning? . . " She asks. 

I know that she's trying to get me to go out. To leave this room of mine. She means well. Coffee sounds good . . it's exactly what I need right now. 

"Okay, sounds good . . " I say with a weak smile. 

__________________________

We sit down with our coffees. It's silent for a little while until my sister says something, breaking this seemingly awkward moment between us. 

"Charlotte, please talk to me . . " She says. 

I'm looking down at my coffee. I'm too afraid to look at Jasmine. She's my sister, my twin sister. She's the person that knows me better than anyone really. 

"I'm fine, Jas . . really I am . . " I say, trying my best to sound convincing. 

She lets out a sigh. "Maybe you should go and talk to someone" . . 

"Like who? . . " I ask her. 

"A therapist, maybe. They can help you . . " She tells me putting her hand over mine. 

"I'm fine. I'm dealing with this in my own way . . " 

"I'm okay. I promise . . " I tell her. 

Jasmine wants me to speak to a therapist? Oh no. I don't want to do that. I'll be okay, I'll be fine. I'm very sad but in time, it'll pass. She's just worried about me. 

But I'll be okay. 

to be continued.