Winter

Fries(cookies) Before Guys

It's too bright.

I can see sunlight from behind my closed eyelids, which is not right during London's dismal autumn.  It's still dark when I leave for school, let alone before I wake up.  Therefore, I'm not even surprised when the first thing I see is a clock blinking 10:35.  Harry must have turned off my alarm.

Speaking of Harry, he's not next to me anymore, bringing up some conflicting feelings.  My gut reaction was disappointment, which made me angry because what is there to be disappointed about?  I shouldn't be wanting Harry, not when I'm being forced to be with him.  

The thing that bothers me the most is that he really seems to be trying.  He's angry at my brother, his boss, for potentially putting me in danger, tries to make sure I'm as comfortable as possible, and held me last night to keep away my nightmares.  I would let myself fall for Harry in a seconds, were he not doing it because I'm his match. I feel like he takes care of me because of obligation, rather than want. 

I sigh, almost wistfully, staring blankly at the crumpled duvet on his side of the bed.  It's only when I blink a few times, finally ready to be aware of my surroundings for the day, do I notice the folded piece of paper. I gingerly pick it up, and I'm greeted by Harry's lazy scrawl. 

Angel,

I figured that you could use a day off.  Relax, watch a movie, maybe try to think some things through. I'm putting a lot of trust into you by leaving you alone today, so please don't do anything to make me regret this decision.  I should hopefully be back by around 4:30, so we could go for a walk or grab an early dinner if you're going stir-crazy by then.  Text or call me if you need anything.

H.x

I place the letter on the nightstand to my left, grabbing my phone in the process of deciding how to feel about the letter.  On one hand, it seems like an almost cute, romantic gesture because he could have just texted me.  Or, he could have put the letter there because he thought I would freak out about his absence from beside me on the bed, which is way to presumptuous.  Or–

I cut myself off, thinking about what Nathaniel told Kenny and I last year when we were speaking about some boy she liked.  He said that girls tend to overanalyze simple actions too much.  Most of the time, men tend to do the first thing that comes to mind.  They aren't trying to send any subliminal messages, or secret codes.  

It's just a letter, and I will treat it as such.  I nod to myself, and then check my messages.  Seeing a couple from Kennedy asking if I'm okay, along with one about how she was jealous of my day off, an apology from Liam, and a goodnight from my dad.

But nothing from Zayn.

It bothers me that my own brother won't apologize for what he did yesterday.  He thinks that he could use me for bait without my permission, and then everything will be all fine and dandy after?  I clench my fists and resist the urge to find him and punch him in the face, not that I'm allowed to leave the apartment anyway.  Harry and I are actually somewhat getting along, so I don't feel like ruining that right now.  God knows one of us will mess up eventually, but being angry at both boys right now will be too draining.  So I take a deep breath, and then hop out of bed, wanting to get my started.  

Fuck Zayn.

**

After getting some work done that is due later in the week, and watching two movies, I decided to make some cookies.  I was a bit worried that Harry would have bare cupboards, but he thankfully has the basic ingredients for chocolate chip cookies.

They are now in the oven, and his counters is covered in a fine dusting of flour, that I am now wiping up with a wet rag.  I throw it over the side of the sink when I'm done, and then finally respond to my text messages from this morning.