Winter

Kind, Ambitious, and Fucking Stubborn

I saw him about a block ago, keeping his distance, but still following my every move.  I knew that they wouldn't let me leave unprotected, but their choice surprised me.  I figured Harry would come after me himself, but I guess he really doesn't care.  So I led us to nearby park, wanting to be in one of London's green spaces right now, in order to think things through.  

I sit myself on the end of the bench, tilting my face towards the grey sky, and allowing the light drizzle to mist my face.  While rainy, it is unseasonably warm right now, so I could sit here all day, but I don't know if I could say the same about the boy hovering about ten feet away, trying to look inconspicuous by the playground.  Not wanting any concerned parents to call the police about a man who seemed to be staring at children, I sigh and wave at him.

"You might as well sit down, Niall," I raise my voice a bit, and he jumps, giving me a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, Z, you know I'm all for giving you some space, but Harry insisted that I follow you."

I just shrug at him and close my eyes, hoping that the fresh air will give me some energy.  I probably woke up only three, maybe four, hours ago and I still feel like I could sleep for days.  Not to mention my body aches all over and no one has offered me so much as an advil yet.  I suppose that I could have asked Liam for something, but I was a little stressed with the metal digging into my shoulder and Harry's firm grip on my back.  

I also know that I should let them know what that man did to me, but honestly, I'm terrified of their reactions.  What if they treat me different?  Or what if Harry doesn't want me anymore?  Not that I should even be caring about what Harry thinks of me, but it'll still hurt.  And I don't know, I just feel ashamed that it happened.  But I have to get it out, or Kennedy will.

"Niall, I'm going to tell you something now, okay?  And I-I need you to tell me that–I don't know what I need you to tell me, but I have to say it."

He furrows his brows and gives me a searching look.  "Are you sure you want to be telling this to me?"

"Yes, you have never been anything but kind to me, Ni.  And I need to say this to someone who won't yell."

"Okay, love," he smiles at me softly, "Go ahead."

"Last night, well, I didn't exactly tell you guys everything that happened.  After I fought back a little, that man, he tried to–he ripped my dress and he tried to–god, he–he–"

"Oh, god, Zaya, did he rape you?" Niall looks at me with cautious eyes and I nearly burst into tears.

"N-no, but he tried.  He almost–" I take a deep breath before starting again.  "If Louis and Zaya hadn't come when they did..." I trail off, knowing by his face that he got the message.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" He prods gently, but I can hear the undertone of anger in his voice.

"I don't know, Ni.  I mean I was scared that they would get mad at me and, well, it's embarrassing to talk about with my brother in the room, or any of you really."

"Zaya, what happened is not your fault, and not something be ashamed of.  You were attacked and we need to know these things so we can help you.  Are you hurt, er, in that area?"

"Just some bruises and maybe a few scratches," I say quietly, looking at the leaves falling off the trees, and the gray sky, and towards the playground.  Anywhere but back at Niall.  It was hard enough getting it out to him, but I don't think that I can meet his eyes anymore.  

"You know that I can't keep this to myself, right?  They need to know."

"Yeah," I say slowly, tugging a piece of hair out from behind my ear.  "I was hoping that you would tell them for me, and that you can bring me home now.  Please, Niall, I don't want to be there when they find out."