Pluviophile

[22] - Mistakes

[22] – Mistakes

They sat on the balcony chairs

Watching the number of lights in the city

Go down one by one.

The clock beside them marked

3:18 am

It was late and they were lonely

But not alone.

Because once someone is lonely

It’s very hard to wake them up

And remind them that maybe in the war they’re fighting

There’s an army right behind them.

“Tell me about yourself.

I don’t think we’ve ever had this conversation yet.

Even after the passing weeks that have gone by.”

The girl was a happy soul

And a savior at that, asking the boy questions like that

At such a lonely hour.

“I wouldn’t know where to begin,” the boy started.

“I’m a mess. A horrible one at that.

Even if I’m not committing crimes,

I feel like that, doing whatever I do,

Almost as if my pure existence is a crime in itself.

I’m afraid. So very afraid.

I’m afraid to open up and tell anything about me

Causing me to be vulnerable and lost again.

When a person gets hurt too many times

They don’t tend to ever go back.

I hate myself,

So I understand perfectly whenever people leave.

I feel so broken, and I’ve begun to realize that

Even if someone decided to fix me

I would still have my cracks and scars.

And most of all,

Recently I’ve met the most amazing girl.

She’s a complete stranger

But I feel like she would be someone who could possibly fix me,

Though of course I would never be brave enough to ask.

She’s a complete stranger,

But somehow I’m still afraid of losing her

So afraid that if I tell her about myself she’ll leave

Because what’s a wonderful girl like her

Doing with another wrecked up stranger?

I’m so scared, and every second of my life is constantly

Being physically consumed

By dark troubling thoughts that seem to cloud my vision

Of reality, where I can’t see anything in color.

I feel like I’m just this one big

Mistake, where I can’t do anything

But remain a mistake.”

By the time, the boy had his head in his hands.

Whether he was struggling to breathe

Or sobbing his heart out

Or just trying to remain sane

The girl was not sure.

Instead, all she did was sit silently in her seat, watching him.

“I won’t leave

Until we learn

To make better mistakes

Tomorrow.”