"Waiting For Infinity"

Anything

        Without Augustus, I was lost. It seemed there was no point in living anymore. I would do anything to see him again. To hold him, to kiss him, to tell him everything was going to be okay, and that stupid little metaphor he had about the cigarette; I just wanted to hear that again. The picture of him with that unlit cigarette between his lips was forever in my mind, and I just wanted him back. Tears built in my eyes and started streaming down my face. This wasn't new, I cried all the time now-a-days. My heart hurt, and all I could do was suck it up and try to move on with life.
        It's been about two weeks since Augustus's death. It never gets easier, I
decided to go to the only place I knew for sure he was. The cemetery. I pulled into the church parking lot located directly in front of the fenced in graveyard. I brought flowers, like I always did. I walked quickly over to his tombstone that read "Augustus Waters, 18, died after a courageous fight with cancer." And I sat there, I never got tired time meant nothing to me anymore. I cursed out cancer, I cursed out God, I cursed out myself for falling in love with a grenade when I knew I was one myself. I ended up crying again, lying on the cold, damp ground. Just then, a butterfly landed on Gus' tombstone. I held my hand out for it to come to me. Once it hit my finger tips, I fell back as my field of vision began going dim.
       I opened my eyes to see Augustus. Tall, muscular, heathy looking. The one I fell in love with just months ago. I stood in utter disbelief while he ran to me and hugged me as if he hadn't seen me in years, although it had only been a few weeks. I wrapped my arms around his waist like I always did and he kissed my forehead like he always had, and suddenly I felt better. Sometimes you just need someone to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces come back together again. He had healed my broken heart. I didn't care if I was dead, I wasn't going to question a thing. All I wanted was to be held in the arms and to never let go again.
       I was starting to feel uneasy then, my lungs hurt, like a lot. I thought in heaven you weren't suppose to feel pain, I thought I was healed. Nope. Reality slapped me in the face and I was back. Back to the world in which Augustus Waters does not exist, and where I don't want to. I was being lifted onto a gurney and then into an ambulance. I was gasping for air as my lungs filled up with fluid once again. I must have been out of it for a while because it was no longer day nor night, but early the next morning when I arrived at the hospital. This, that, and the other thing were being used to help me breath. The thing is, I didn't want to get better, I hated my life without Gus and I would do anything to be with him.