"Waiting For Infinity"

Finally Free

At this time, it's been hours since I went unconscious. I lay on that hospital bed in pain, and I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, but I could hear. I heard my parents speaking to the doctors about what they were going to do with me, I heard my mother and father crying like that had done years ago in the ICU, then I heard my thoughts. Oxygen began finding its way back into my brain and I could think. I would make a plan to get out of here, and I don't mean the hospital.
While my parents were in the hall, I quickly removed the large mask over my face that was helping me to breath. Suddenly, alarms began whaling, loud and obnoxious. Mother, father, and the doctors ran over frantically and caught me. They knew what I was trying to do. The mask went back on and my dreams of seeing Augustus again died. My mother screamed, then cried, and then screamed some more. She was not only in pain because her beloved daughter was dying, but because she wanted to.
        I immediately felt guilty and pretended I was sleeping so I wouldn't have to deal with my mother. No such luck. She shook me awake with a very concerned look, her eyes red and sleep-deprived.
        "Why?" She simply questioned.
        I replied. "I don't want to live in a world where there is no Augustus Waters." I then wished I didn't say that because her sadness turned to pure anger.
        "I understand you loved him..."
        "Love" I interrupted.
        "I understand you love him, but what I don't understand is why you would take your own life when you know you'd be hurting so many people." She paused. "Including me and your father."
          "I just want to be with him again." I said
        "But Hazel, honey you wouldn't be with him." My dad joined in the conversation.
        "Yes I would!" I yelled a little too loudly "I was with him just a few hours ago. Before you found me in the cemetery, before all of this." I knew I was going to cry. "I was in heaven with Augustus and we held each other so tight, like nothing could ever tear us apart. Then, I was brought back. Mom, I'm sorry, but do you realize that I don't want to live anymore."
        My mother, drenched in tears said. "What your father means is if you commit suicide..." She took a deep breath. "You could go to hell."               
        I immediately regretted my life choices.
        "Come on Hazel, you knew that."
        But I didn't. 
        My parents left me for a bit. That was fine because I needed time to think. I started to cry again, losing more and more air each breath. It was hopeless. There was no escaping this world, I had to wait for my infinity.
        I realized i couldn't breath. I was gasping for air again. The doctors rushed over to save my life, but it was too late. The tumors that had shrunk overtime were now swollen. My lungs were collapsing and I knew that the water would eventually stop my heart. My parents came running in to say goodbye. They knew it was coming, and I did too. As my field of vision began growing dim once again, I heard one of the doctors tell my parents "There is nothing we can do."
        My parents collapsed to the floor, and so did my lungs. I would miss my parents, but all I could think of was that I was finally free. I used my last dainty breathe saying.
        "I love you, okay?"