"Waiting For Infinity"

The Time After

The time after Augustus's death was hell. The pain was even worse then before and all I wanted to do was cry and be comforted by Augustus Waters, the great, star-crossed love of my life. And yet, I knew, I would never again be in his arms.
The days went by slower then before too. Everyday worse than the last. If only Augustus were here to make the days worth waking up, but he wasn't and still I got through it. How you may ask? I wish I could answer that question, but I can't. I really don't know how I got by, maybe it was because i knew my time on Earth was not over yet and that God had a bigger plan for me. But still, there were days when I hoped the Phalanxifor would miraculously stop working after keeping me alive for all these years, but that's okay everyone feels like that sometimes.
However, the thing that bothered me the most about Augustus's death was not the inability to see him or be held in his muscular arms (although that sucked too) but that somewhere, up there he was alone. Or maybe he was with Caroline, ya know the girl he fell for before me, the one who died from a tumor in her brain. A wave a jealousy surged through out my body and found its way into my broken heart. What is wrong with me? Am I really worried about my dead boyfriend cheating on me with his dead ex in heaven. Oh the things you think when you're hurt. At this point my brain hurt and I decided to give missing Augustus a break. Oh wait, thats right, I never stopped.
I got up from my unmade bed and made my way to the kitchen. I realized I hadn't eaten in hours or maybe even days, I wasn't sure what day it was. I had no concept of time since I lost Augustus. What's the point? We're all gonna die anyway. I opened the fridge in search of something to eat. I ended up eating nothing but a string of cheese and some cranberry juice that I'm pretty sure was outdated. This made me nauseous. I walked outside my small home to get some fresh air and realized that everything seemed to be faded. The grass and trees were a dull green, the plants, birds, and autumn leaves were no longer a vibrant color, and the sky wasn't blue, it was just grey clouds and suddenly I was no longer living. Just existing.