Endless Sacrifice

Chapter 14

I sat on the harsh edge of a cliff. I was staring down at the black waves crashing upon the jagged rocks. My eyes felt heavy as I watched the waves repeatedly moving back and forth. What I wouldn't give to have my life flow as rhythmically as the waves.

Tears welled in my eyes as Oliver's agonized face protruded in my mind. It was Christmas Day and had been weeks since Oliver had spoken to me willingly. His distress over my indiscretion with Draco was steadfast and I wasn't sure what it would take to earn his forgiveness. I was grateful to have Ron with me during such a difficult time but even his sincerest grin wasn't helping change my mood. It felt wrong to be even a fragment of happy when Oliver was so upset.

It didn't take a single moment before Draco was also entering my mind, I couldn't go very long at all without thinking about him. I wondered what his Christmas was like, I imagined it to be utterly dreadful, not a happy holiday whatsoever. I desperately wanted to hate Draco for the lies he had told me so effortlessly but it was impossible. The pity I felt for him outweighed any other feeling. I couldn't imagine being in Draco's position and being forced into such extremes, he probably feared for his life every moment of the day. He had no one to protect him anymore, not even his parents could do that. None of them would stand against Voldemort. I knew I could easily infiltrate Draco's mind because of our unchangeable mental bond but I found myself having no desire to do it. I needed to completely detach myself from Draco because aside from his unyielding love for me, he had also brought me so much sadness and anxiety. Draco's relationship with the Death Eaters was nowhere near its end and I couldn't wait any longer for him.

I leaned far over the edge of the cliff and tried to see through the dark water, there was nothing to be seen. I closed my eyes and felt my body slipping forward but my hands kept a firm grip on the uneven rocks. It would be so easy to let go and release myself from this unbearable pain. Oliver didn't deserve to be so devastated over me and Draco didn't deserve to be hopelessly pining for me. I could easily give them both a quick resolution. I knew Eliza would be taken care of. I had vowed to protect her and I couldn't when I felt so divided from the world because of the unforgivable mistakes I had made. Letting go of the edge could the most selfless thing I could do for her. She would be better off without a mother like me. I had proven only to be selfish and untrustworthy. My heart would always yearn for Draco. Oliver didn't deserve a wife like that and Eliza didn't deserve a mother like that.

A soothing voice in my head kept telling me to let go, that it was simple solution to an enormous problem. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I released one of my hands from the cliffside. I slumped forward and was now face-to-face with the black water. It would be so cold, it would feel like concrete obliterating my body. I deserved to feel the physical pain from the water after the emotional turmoil I had put Oliver through.

I closed my eyes and unexpectedly pictured my mother's face. I could be reunited with her and my father, and my Gran too. I needed to be brave. I could do this for my daughter.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Oliver's booming voice startled me and I was forced to hold tightly to the cliff with both hands. Oliver was beside me in an instant and dragged me far away from the edge. He pulled me against his chest and held me tightly.

"That has to be at least a thirty meter drop Mel, you would've been killed! Are you insane? What about our daughter? You would really leave her without a mother?" Oliver shrieked.

Hot tears poured from my eyes as I clutched Oliver's shirt tightly. I was so grateful for his strong hands. I couldn't believe what I had almost done, I had almost leapt of a cliff! I had no clue what came over me and how I had convinced myself it was a good idea. It had made so much sense in my mind but now being in Oliver's arms again I was completely aware of how unstable I must have been to even consider it.