Rawr xD

why is life a bitch

back when i was in 7th grade things were a bit hard cuz of my depression and anxiety  but it wasnt so bad cus i had so much love around me i had my wife and so many wonderful friends but soon one of my best friends moved away and i kinda became distant from my other friends then i kinda just stopped talikng to a lot of my old friends and in 8th grade i made some new friends but my wife moved away and now i can hardly talk to her now and i have 3 friends and i cant even live in my own home and my mother wont tell me why and no one wants to tell me how bad things are and how to fix it and its not like i know what to do cus no one raised me cus my dad is a flake and all my mom does is work and not tell people how bad things are i had to learn everything on my own i had to teach myself how to live and grow no one told me that thats not how it should be i had to learn the hard way that my family is not a real family we are a sad broken family and i dont know how to fix it so i gave up theres no hope for us my mom is stuburn and wont tell me how to fix the problmes i created and so i stopped trying i gave up on my dad when i was in 3rd grade i learned that he wasnt gonna come back and that the way he lives isnt right and he has to deal with his probles and theres notyhing i can do till he dealls with his problems and i gave up on my mom cus thers just no point in trying anymore so i grew up with out a family no one told me how to be on one tought me maners i had to learn everything by the time i was old enught to be on my own i tought myself how to cook and stuff like that but i never saw how importan school was and i still dont going to school has done dnothing for me i dont learn anythign there so i stopped goiung to school and i just want things to be simple again i wanna go back to being care free and not stressed all the time i have so much stress that i cant function anymore and im only 14 i wanna kill my self and i see no hope in living because as a child i was told that i was worthless and i was forgotten if i was really something speciel then i would be forgotten and pushed away from my family my mom keeps ignoring me and doesnt care if i eat or if i die she wants me to starve i never did anything wrong and she hates my so rhere has to be sometign wrong with me on one loves me anymore and no one wants me to be happy cus i have a new family that loves me and would take care of me but my mom wont let me see them anymore she hates that i was happy there and even as im writthing this i see just how true it is and the tears prove it if people care about me like they say they do then why do they keep me from the people who actualy love and care about me its just not right life isnt right and its not fair and i dont wanna dea with everyones shit anymore everyone blames it all on me even if im not there im always the one to blaim on one ever cared to think that i have my own probles from staving and wanting to kill myself everyday i see my self and wanna die and its not right other people are to blaim its not my fault that my dad left or that my mom isnt happy and my brother is stupid and is never going to be sussful in life and yet every one blaims be my mom didnt even want me i was an accident i herd her say it herself so im sorry if i dont ever say i love you back or that i wanna be here im sorry that i wanna call another place my home becuse they love and care about me im sorry that i triedn to fix our sad little family im sorry for trying and im sorry for not trying im sorry you dont see that i could be smart and happy if you just let me go but no one ever thought about me first not even me so i preten that im happy and that i care i pretend that i like who i am i fake who i am cus i hate myself just as much as everyone eles does but if i kill my self im weak and if i dont then im miserble to the piont that i wanna judt get kidnapped of raped and killed or anything other then the hell that my own family puts me threw and the hell that other people put me threw everyone expects so much from me and im not sure why because im not that smart and im not good at anything im not pretty and im not a good person i lie and cheat and steal and i dont care about anything anymore im just to numb from my own pain i gaive up 

sorry for this chapter im just not in a good mood i feel like crap and i needed to get that out there and cry abit and i know there are some really bad typos but i was crying while writting most of this and i dont care to go back and fix it so till next time i bid fare well and i hope your life is happy and full of joy like i wish mine could be again

xD