I've recently started to run, or at least attempt to run. I hear wonderful stories about running and runner's high. I want to get in on it. I want to know why everyone loves it so much. From what I can tell so far, running just brings a lot of pain. My legs get so sore afterwards. My lungs burn with every step I take. I get thirsty and so very tired. I don't know why people run. I keep trying, though, because I want to like it like everyone else does. Most importantly, I want to feel the runner's high.
The days are very different and I've noticed that I've started to categorize them into which days would be a good day to run. The really muggy days make it hard to breath, so I try to avoid running on those days. Really bright days make my head hurt. I like cool days with crisp air where the sun is hidden behind the clouds. Most days aren't like that, though. Most days in the months that I've been running are hot, sunny, and muggy. I try to run on those days anyways, because I might like it. I might finally know why people love running. I might finally feel the runner's high that I so desperately want to feel.
I've noticed that I don't really like running. It's hard. I usually quit before I finish. My lungs hurt too much. I get too thirsty. It takes way too much energy and I feel like it's better for me if I just stop, turn around, and go home. Even with the runs that I do finish, I don't feel the runner's high, so what's the point? Why should I keep running? Why should I waste my effort into doing something and not getting what I want out of it? I normally quit running.
Today is beautiful. The air is crisp and cool. There's a slight breeze. The sun isn't shining very bright. I know that days like these are rare. And I want to run. I want to feel the breeze against my skin. If I ever feel the runner's high, it'd be on a day like this one. I so desperately want to run. But I'm scared. Whenever I run, I get tired and quit trying. My lungs start to burn and it hurts too much to go on. I know that the air is cool enough to alleviate some of the pain, but I've never really tried hard enough before. And I want to try. But how do I know that I won't get tired again and give up? Because I know me. I'll give up once things start to get hard. I'll give up if running starts to bore me. I'll give up once I have an excuse. But I don't want to give up on a day like this. I'm so scared to run today but I so desperately want to.
I've found that running is a lot like being in a relationship, I run because I want to feel the runner's high. I date because I want to find love. The days are like the boys I date. The muggy, humid days that I so desperately hate to run on are like the clingy and immature boys that I date. And the cool days with the crisp, dry air is you. I want to run on a day like you because I know if I do, I'll finally feel what I want to experience. But like with running, I often give up in relationships because it's too hard. My lungs start to burn like I get scared. Please forgive me. I know that if I don't run today, if I don't take my chance with you now, I might never get to again. But I'm scared. I hope you understand.
Please help me run today.
