You Ruined Me

Chapter 1

I hold the cold razor blade in my hand, crying, sobbing at the pain I have caused myself. The blood slowly drips for the small inflicted wounds bound on my wrists. A tear drops from the corner of my red, puffy eye, falling onto my blood soaked arms, making the blood disperse from its original spot. I hear the grandfather clock chime five times, before realizing my parents would be home any given moment now to see the bloody mess I've made of myself. I lean over and gently set down the blood stained blade. I grab a towel and slowly clean the blood off of my body, then the razor blade. This is yet another towel that will be disposed of without my parents knowing. I walk into the bathroom again to change into an outfit to cover the cuts. As if on cue as I walk out of the bathroom, I hear the front door pushed open. "Hello mother, father." I gently nod my head their way. I leisurely walk towards my room in the basement, for another night of starving myself to sleep. As I slowly close my eyes, I hear my phone chime next to my ear. Ten missed calls, and 20 unread messages from him. The man who caused all this pain has tried to make the impression that he cares about what is going on in my life, my self-harming, when in reality he is the cause to all my pain and suffering. I shut my eyes once again, hoping this time not to be interrupted by the specific chime set to him. I hear a quite screech from upstairs I know my best friend, Emma has come over. I wish she would just go home so she didn't have to witness this pain. I hear my mother explain to her that I'm in my room and she is more than welcome to come down here.

"Hey lazy bug, why don't we go see a movie. We haven't done that in like forever" she drags out the last part. I roll onto my stomach trying to hide my tear streaked face. "C'mon you're not getting anything done by just laying there." She storms over towards me and rolls me so she can see the pain in my eyes. The red blotchy rings around my eyes. "Oh, Annabelle. Not this again," she says sympathetically, "let's get that baggy sweatshirt off and clean up that pretty face of yours." She smiles weakly at me, hoping to cheer me up. Noticing my untouched mood she sighs and continues talking to me, "You deserve better than this hun, you know that right?" I just let out a light whimper, and let my friend do what she has come accustom to. She slowly peels his sweatshirt off and tosses it off to the side. She takes both my hands into her own, and frowns slightly.

"Bea," the nickname she has called me since we were little, "How long are you going to put up with him, he treats you like, like complete crap, and as,"

I cut her off, "Em, please don't do this again."

"Well Bea, break it off and I will."

"Em," I frown, "you know that's not possible." She looks at me again tears, slowly starting to appear in her eyes. "Em, please don't cry."

"You know I can't help it, not when I see you like this. It kills me, literally. I'm tired of cleaning up the mess he's made of you."

"Then stop..."

"Bea, that's not what I meant..."

"Just go, please." I interrupt and turn to look away from her, knowing she'll be hurt by my words.

"I'm not leaving you tonight." She pulls me off of my duvet and drags me into the downstairs bathroom. I slowly sit down on the bathtub as she runs a towel under hot water. She walks towards me, something I am used to seeing. I give up my walls and slowly lift my arm so she can wipe away the left over blood. She gently runs the towel against my arm cleaning me from the pain.

After she finishes cleaning my arms, we head back to my bed and sits down. "When did this start," she slightly motions towards my marked arm.

"I'm really not in the mood for this conversation, I'm sorry Em." I walk back to my duvet and lay down again, the water works start all over again.

"Bea, I'm not taking that as an answer anymore. You need to stop whatever this is," she waves her arms towards me, referencing to my depressive state, "and tell me, everything."

I sit up slowly, "Fine, you really want to know. Here's my story..."