Take me with you....

Maddie

Every break and lunch time I either go down to the bottom of the field to smoke or hide in the toilet. And yes I know smoking is bad for
You but whatever's bad must have some good in it? Any ways why do I care? It's not like my parents do, my mum walked out on us when I was 3 and my dad spends 95% at work and when he's not at work he's drinking. So basically I have no one in my life right now, apart from my amazing big brother who is more like a best friend/father. My dad doesn't know I smoke, well at least I think he doesn't, and my brother used to know. By that I mean I used to do it a long time ago and then I stopped and promised him I wouldn't do it again, but look at me now.

I go down to the field like every other day, a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in the other. I place the cig to my mouth and inhale the fumes, at first it burns but it starts to feel good. Letting out a cloud of smoke. I look out to the fields and forests in front of me. Our school is basically in the middle of no where. I let my thoughts take over my brain, taking me into a brand new world. A world with no anxiety. No ordinary people. No alcoholic dad. Just me. And just my thoughts. Nothing else. I like that world. I wish I could visit there more often. Unfortunately reality stops me.

There are so many things I want to say to people, tell them how nice they look, or how ugly their hair is, or how hard times may get, it will eventually get better. No matter how much you want to give up, your life will magically turn itself around. It is estimated that 10% of teenagers and 40% of adults suffer from an anxiety disorder of some kind. I guess I'm part of that 10%.

I look around the corridors, the same old miserable faces barge past me, like a traffic of cars trying to get to their next lesson. Instead of going to lesson, I turn myself around, and go back to the field I was originally at. I sometimes have these moments, where I can't face going to class, I can't face seeing the same white board, the same pupils. I just needed a change of scenery. I trench through 60 meters of mud, to get to my hiding spot on the grassy field. No one else knows this place except me, that's why it's my favourite place to go. No one will notice I'm gone any way, they don't even notice me when I'm there. I just hide here for the next 1 and half.