Dark enough

Chapter 4

Wait-m83

It was so cold today. It was rainy and freezing. I pulled my coat closer to me. I finally made it to the school building. I walked in and made my way to first period.

I walked in and everyone looked at me. They all had tears in their eyes. But why? Mr.Wickman and the principal walked over to me. With a weary face. He put his hand on my shoulder. "What's going on?" I asked. He sighed "it's about Elsie." My heart began to race. "What happened? Is she okay?" I asked frantically.

Mr.Wickman looked at me full of heartache and regret. "Maybe you should sit down sweetheart." I pulled away. "No! Tell me where Elsie is!" He looked down then back up at me.

"I'm so sorry Amanda. But last night Elsie committed suicide." My heart sunk. No! No! No! "No she didn't. No please tell me you're joking. She's not gone! You're just saying that!" I pushed him back.Tears burned in my eyes. I covered my mouth trying to mask the sobs.

She's gone. And I have to face the world alone.

Why? Why did she do this? Mr. Wickman went for my shoulder but I ran out. He and the principle both yelled my name but my feet couldn't stop. I ran and ran. I finally made it to my destination.

I looked threw the blurry tears at her locker. We'd always meet here. A memory of when I first met her here flashed in my mind. And I saw her standing there smiling and waving. But she disappeared and I knew she was really gone.

I ran to her locker and collapsed. I weeped against it. A wave of anger came over me and my fist bawled before colliding with the metal. I don't want her to be gone! I don't want to be without her. She deserved longer and better.

I continued to weep. After about ten minutes a body appeared in front of mine. I looked up at the person. It was Ms.Perlman. She looked at me with pity before kneeling to my level.

"I'm so sorry." I threw my arms around her and felt her began to cry. She pulled away smiling. "She wrote a few letters. Not many, but a few. She wrote one to her mom, her brother and you." Confusion washed over me. "Me?" She nodded and handed me the little piece of paper.

It was pink and folded into a little square. My name was written in her hand writing. It smelled like her.

Ms. Perlman patted my shoulder and walked off. She wiped a few tears and I looked back at the little piece of paper. One of my tears stained the perfect thing. I wiped them away and noticed my name. She had written it in her beautiful handwriting with a heart at the end.

I opened it with my hands shaking and my heart heavy. I took a breath and began to read the last piece of her I had.

Dear Amanda,

I'm so sorry to have left you. I wish I had met you sooner, so we could've had longer together. But the time I knew you was amazing. I'm so glad to have met you. It was a pleasure to know your soul.

The day I met you, I saw your wrist and knew you were like me. My story just didn't transfer to my skin. I wanted to help you. Because I know what it's like to feel alone. But then I got to know you and it wasn't a mission anymore. It was a friendship. It became the thing that kept me going.

I wish I was stronger. I wish I was more like you Little bird.Please stay strong. Please don't give up. I'm sorry I did, but please don't . I'll watch over you. Since I can't do it in person I'll be your guardian angel.

I'm so sorry I didn't say that something was wrong, that I was messed up. I'm sorry I didn't say, but my mind was messed up. You couldn't save me anyway.

This world is too ugly. Too evil, too cruel. I can't bring myself to face it anymore. I can't get away form my mind. And sadly my mind, is scarier than the ugly world we face.

I'm so sorry Amanda. I wish I had been stronger, so I could see the amazing things you'll do. See what you'll become. But I'll watch from the sky. And I'll be smiling and cheering you on louder than anyone else. I'll send the purest and whitest dove to watch over you for me. There are going to be dark days. Days when it seems hopeless. You have to find hope in those days and be greater than what you suffer. You must keep hope alive little bird. You must become hope.

We'll meet again one day. When you've lived your life and done the most amazing things. When you've had your fun, had your laughs and had your adventure.I'll miss you my dear. But don't cry. We all come and go, that's the truth of things.

I cant wait to see you and laugh with you again. But its worth the wait. Stay strong little bird. My heart is with you since my body can't be.

Until we meet again,

                       Elsie grey <3

I smiled as I saw the tiny heart necklace she always wore. My heart ached and my body trembled. How was I supposed to do this without her. But I had to. I had to live for her. I had to do what she never got to.

I stood to my feet and placed my hand on her locker. I smiled against it. Remembering her. Remembering her as she was. I remembered her truly.

I saw the day we met. I saw the times she laughed. The times she cried. The times she danced because "life was too short to not dance when you feel like it." I saw every memory I had with her. Then I saw the last memory I had with her. It was happening right before my eyes. She walked away form me. Her ponytail bouncing with her steps. Her dress swaying back and forth. She turned back and smiled at me. I smiled back. She smiled even bigger "I'll see you later little bird." She half way yelled. "Not if I see you first." I yelled back. She waved me goodbye and I waved back. Taking her in one last time. I felt a tear roll down my cheek but it was a tear of joy. She began her walk and a bright light flashed and she was gone.

I may have never been the greatest, or the prettiest,Or the first choice for anything. But I can say that I had the pleasure of Elsie Eleanor Grey being my best friend. So I think that makes up for my loses.

I had the pleasure of knowing her soul. And I'll take that with me for the rest of my life. And on the darkest days, when it seems hopeless. I'll remember her laugh, her smile, her love and who she was and in that way. I'll never be be without her. I'll never truly be hopeless. I'll become the hope that she was. And carry one what she had begun. To find hope in the dark days.

Because life is to short to not dance when you feel like it.

Dark enough -original song
I forgot who it's by