A Book for You

Before and After You

I've known you for years, but our friendship was like small talk and don't see each other for months. Earlier this year, I saw you once again and decided to talk to you, normal as friends. I never thought of this to be a thing for us but it happened, and until now everything's been amazing and all though we're just starting, I want this to last forever.

Before you came into my life this way, I was hopeless. I was badly hurt, humiliated and left for dead. I stayed alone for more than a year. I know is not much but for a guy like me that has no friends it hurts. At times, I didn't mind being alone but then these voices in my head kept coming back screaming "You're pathetic", "You we're never good enough for that rich girl", "She deserves better than you". I lied awake at night and sometimes cried myself to sleep. I had no one in my life, no one to find help. I would drown in my pain and no one cared for me. I was rejected as well so many times that I lost count. I started to believe that I was going to be left alone for the rest of my life and that there was no one left for me. I lost the light, I lost my way...I lost all hope.

I even started to say that if this was the Star Wars Universe, I would be a certified Sith Lord. I walked the path to the Dark Side many times. First comes fear, the fear of getting hurt and losing someone important. Then comes Anger, the Anger for the things that I fear coming true, no matter what I do to stop them. Then comes Hatred, the Hatred for the things that happened and for the people that hurt me badly. Then finally comes Suffering, Suffering from the Hatred of those things and Hatred to myself for letting those people in my life.

I lost the light, I could never see it. Like a never ending tunnel. I was consumed by the dark and I lost all hope.

Then you came in. You appeared from the shadows and looked at me straight in the eyes and smiled. Something that I never expected from you. You took my hand and walked with me the never ending tunnel and I saw the light at the end of it. I went back to the light and I smiled once more because of you. All though the light to me is blinding, however I will embrace it just to be with you. This is what I always wanted. Now I am happy, I can smile for a reason and that reason is you. You care, you love me, you want me and I don't even have to ask you for that because it's your choice and that's all I ever wanted. Someone that loves me and cares for me no matter how much of a mess I am. 

I don't know how to thank you for the things you've done for me. I just hope that during the time we will have together I can repay you for this. I really do thank you.

You mean the world to me, I love you~