The Right Kind of Wrong

3

"Are you okay?" I heard Keith say as I awaken. What a dream that was, more like a nightmare.

I can still hear my heart pounding against my chest with cold sweats around the base of my temples. I can't hear clearly, think clearly. I raised up my hands and nodded. "I'm fine." I lied.

I stood up and went to the bathroom. I need some me time.

My eyes are dreadful. They are two cups of big saucers, lined with gawking eye bags each underneath. I must look so bad. I kept the water running and stared myself at the mirror. My God, he is making me crazy. It's like college all over again.

Thud... thud... thud...

The banging didn't last. It didn't seem that persistent so I shrugged it off.

Thud... thud... thud...

"Hey, Will? Are you okay in there?" it's Keith! My eyes shot through the glass as I hear his raspy voice, like rocks on sandpaper but more soothing rather than itchy or annoying that gets under your skin. I ran a few things in my head to say but nothing comes up, nothing ever comes up. I shut the water off and fixed a misplaced lock of hair away from my forehead. With that, I twisted the door open and he fell right in, falling into my chest! He was leaning against the door!

We both fell to the floor with a loud bang and I hit my head against the sink. "Ouch!" he must have heard it because he's cradling my head in his arms now. It's like a baby, my head. I crouched down, lower, as the pain radiated all the way through my back. It sucks! It hurts!

Keith tried to smudge it off but it can't. "I'm so sorry." I heard him say but the pain was still there. We're so close together, I could almost smell the faint scent of his perfume. And with a swift wafting I picked up at chemistry lab way back high school, I wafted the aroma of his jacket. He smells good. He always smells good. Even way back in college. "Does it still hurt?" he said as he patted my head like a dog he once owned or if he ever owned one. I nodded. "I'm really sorry." He continued and with that being said, of all the things that he could do to make me feel any better, he planted a kiss on my forehead and looked at me, straight in the eye! "I really am." He said again, like for the hundredth time!

How could he do that? He is clearly doing it all over again!

I felt the blood rush to my face. I felt my cheeks go warm. I know now that I am blushing. I looked away before he could notice me going all red.

He finally stood up and stretched out his hand. As he pulled me up, I stumbled back, got a good grip on the sink this time and steadied myself before we could fall again. "Why are you even here?" I asked as I checked my head for any swelling that might take place considering our unmistakable and unpredictably unexpected fall scene. "I got worried. With the look on your face when you walked over here I thought something was off and it didn't feel right to leave you alone and to let you handle it alone." He grinned, flashing that canine of his. "Thanks." Is all I could say and then we walked back to our seats and then I looked at some more blank space out the window.

Over five minutes passed and he must have sensed the silence and shifted on his seat. "Would you like to have coffee with me, Will?" he waved a flight attendant over and waited. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him there, with just a right amount of light hitting his face, uplifting the contours, the lifts of valleys in his face. I smiled and he knew.

The flight attendant came back with a tray, two china pieces of different kinds sitting on it. I could make out the smell of brewed coffee beans emanating from the cups. They were deliciously enticing. It's like they were calling out to me.

We said thank you to the lady as she handed us our cups and rested them in our cup holders. "So what should we do?" he started. I took a sip from my coffee and flashed him a quizzical look, stitching my eyebrows together.

"You know, to catch up." Oh he wants to catch up now, does he? After all these years he ignored me, he thinks now is the time to get to know what happened to each of us when we didn't see each other through after he left. I took a large gulp and set my cup on the holder. "Okay, I'll start us off." He said without waiting for my approval and shifted in his seat to face me. "What happened?" he asked. What happened what? I wanted to ask but again I just planted a question mark on my face and projected a more bewildered look that I could muster. "You know," he trailed of, toying a button on his jacket. He always do that when he's trying to imply somethings he wants to without actually having to say it. He is good at things like that. "Well, of course after I graduated, I went to medical school and got licensed as a pediatric. I just love kids, don't you?" I said without looking at him. Instead I looked down at my hands because I know I won't come any close to where he is now. I just work with kids. But that is what I love to do. That is the environment that I want to see myself grow not only as a professional apprentice of the practice but as a human individual as well. Of course some of us are in it for the money, let us not be hypocrites, it is there. But to be honest, I want more than that. I want life. He laughed and smiled wryly. There it is again, that feint sorrow in his eyes and smile. I would want to ask but I don't want to set off his mood. "I do." He said and tried to toy with his little button some more. "How about you, Mr. Keith." As I said it, his warm and beaming smile came back on like the fourth of July with all of the fireworks. "I teach back at the college in my free time. But mostly I teach here." He said and when he turned to face me, I could make out the lines being drawn from the sides of his eyes. We are certainly not young anymore. "That's great. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked and I know I lost the guy I once knew. He just seems so lost in his thoughts.

"You were too busy with your life. I can't tell you how boring mine was." I nudged him and smiled. "Hey, don't say that." He looked at me again and smiled. Always with that same smile.

"How is this?" he said, pointing to my chest. "I don't have angina." I said quickly. Or so I thought for no reason. "No silly." He laughed. "I meant how are you feeling? How is that heart of yours? Still whole I hope." he said, looking at the aisles of seats before him. "Well, way back in college, I saw this someone, first year and I knew I found it." I said looking out the window. "Found what?" he asked and I looked at him, "Love."

"You see, I have been in love with the same person ever since, until now, I still am. I don't know what that person got a hold on me but whenever I am in that person's company, my life just gets a little better, with more color and dynamic flares to throw me off guard. Its fun, you know? But all that fun could be just that, fun. When you know that the boat that you are in is rowed by just you, yourself. That was hard on my part. It was really hard. Every day I wanted to tell the world that I love that person. Every day I wanted to tell that person how deeply I am in love with that person. But the problem is, I can't. And I know I never will have the guts, even if I went under surgery, to tell that person that I love him."

When I was finally over, I couldn't help myself that I must have kept going and going, ranting on about how I feel.

"You never told me that. Who is this lucky person?" he asked, quoting the person. I laughed and looked at him. "You don't know?" I asked him, perplexed by the thought of him not knowing. "I thought you knew." I said as I slid down my chair, growing smaller by the minute. "Knew what?" Keith said, totally turning a 180, facing me. He gripped his arm rest and I could see his knuckles turn to white with the smidge of desperation in his eyes.

"That it's you, Keith. I've been in love with my best friend ever since I met him. And I even thought that you could have felt the same towards me." Oh my God! I just said it!

As I said it, he fell back to his chair with a smile playing across his lips. Now he's going to make a laughing stock out of me. I know he will. I just know.

Wait. What just happened?

"Me? You're in love with me?" he kept pointing to himself. And I just gave him the most honest confession I could have ever given him about how I really felt whenever we're together. "I know I felt that maybe you had something for me but I never got to confirm it with you." His smile just keeps getting bigger and wider. I took another sip from my cup and cupped it between my hands, giving a little wall between us.

I felt myself flush under his stares but I can't help but to look in his eyes.

"Wow! This is justamazing!" he beamed.