Chapter Four

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I was laying down in my room, tears streaming my face. I couldn't believe I just gave up one of my biggest secrets. I groaned as I heard knocking on the door.

"Go away." I stated.

But instead of listening to me, they entered anyway. I heard whoever it was sigh as I put my face in my pillow.

"Nialler? Are you okay?" I wiped the tears off my face, and looked up at our drummer, Josh.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine mate, just a bit homesick." I easily lied. Thankfully he bought it.

"Wanna go to a movie? To keep your mind off it?" He asked carefully. I gave him a grateful smile and said that I'd be down in a few.

In theory, his suggestion did work, the movie did get my mind off things, but just not for what he had in mind, After the movie we went out to McDonalds for a bite to eat. Josh was now in the living room with the rest of the guys.

I pulled out my iPhone and connected my head phones. Turning up my music the loadest it could go. I sighed deeply as Breathe Me by Sia came on. That song always made me cry. I wrapped my arms around my knees and tried not to, before realizing that was useless. I felt the tears leak from my eyes, and went over to my bathroom. With the music still plugged into my ears, I grabbed my blade from under the sink and dug it into my wrist. I winced as the pain came, the stinging sensation that I was ashamed to say I was addicted to. Suddenly I was pulled back to reality and counted the marks I made 17. I felt the room start spinning and I slid down the wall. 17. I was so ashamed of myself. I grabbed a pen and paper, and started writing a note to the boys, then I grabbed a bottle of pills. I downed them with a bottle of gin, and quickly felt light headed and soon saw darkness.

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