What Lies Within The Mind: Volume 2

Finally Flying

My dad is here. But yet again he is not. My mother is long gone, swept away by hatred and the sands of time. I could leave, but there is always the terror that he would follow me and find me; that would be a worser existence. I am trapped in this Hell. Even when I can finally leave, the memories of all the hatred, the terror, the screaming; they would always remain, like scars that will never fade. I rarely go to school. I used to go when I was younger, until my mother was lost in time. Then the world seemed to stop, and my dad focused on me. Beating, screaming, drugging, raping, anything imaginable, I have been through and still exist in Hell. I don't say live anymore, because I am barely alive. Maybe someday I will escape here, but it will not be today, or anytime soon for that matter.

Wait. I just heard something. A slight rapping, from the window of our trailer. I go and look. A small black cat, much the worse for wear, sits among the bushes. I reach to pick him up and he comes willingly. I am shocked but overjoyed. I've never had a pet before. My dad won't allow it. I'll hide . . . I check. . . him, in my room and sneak food to him. He is so forlorn and battered and skinny. He reminds me of me. We will be the best of friends, secret buddies. A luxury that has never been available to me, friendship.

I wrap him in a towel and run to my room and set him down, then sneak to the kitchen for some bread. He gobbles it up quick as a flash, then I lay with him close to me on the nasty floor until his breathing is soft and gentle, no longer rattling in his tiny chest.

Over time it seems he knows that my room is a safe place because he refuses to leave it. When my dad beats me or abuses me, he hides until it's over then he comforts me while I cry, my body's last attempt at keeping my soul alive.

I refuse to name him. My life is so depressing, I feel that if I name him the universe will ruin this one sliver of happiness I have. So I just call him, him. He is my only friend. I love him, he's so soft and warm and smart. He is more a parent to me than my parents ever have been to me.

Today, my dad rushes into my room in a drunken stupor, yelling something about an asshole neighbor who just screwed him over. I have been petting him until my dad bursts in and he barely has time to hide. I guess my dad sees his tail swish as he runs under the bed because he yells out "Cat!!!!!" and throws himself at the bed attempting to get hold of him. When this is unsuccessful he turns on me. "Cat!!!" he yells again and runs at me. He grabs my lamp and beats me over the head with it over and over again. I scream and scream and cry out and yell for him. He must have felt something different this time. Instead of hiding he runs out from under the bed and jumps on my dad's face, clawing and spitting and scratching him. My dad begins to beat him with the lamp too. He yowls and cries. I can't do anything. I am paralyzed, I ca't move an inch. Suddenly, my dad stops. He stands up and walks woozily out of the room. Finally I can move. I can't even cry as I painfully inch myself towards my cat. I finally make it to his deathly limp little body and pull it close to me. I lay there for a moment until everything goes black.

I wake up to blinding white light. My first thought is, "Am I dead?" Then my vision clears and I see that I am in a hospital room. Empty and white, not a soul to be seen. I look out the window and it's the dead of night. The hospital is silent except for the continuous beeping of the many monitors and scanners nearby. The lights are dimmed and the door is shut. My whole body hurts. My head and arms and torso are bandaged quite severely. I am prepared to go back to sleep when I remember . . . him. I sit up straight as a twig. My body protests as I rip the electrodes off my chest and stand up. I feel very dizzy. My monitors begin to sound an alarm and hold one long, loud note as they no longer feel my steady pulse. I forget it all and bolt from my room and down the nearest hallway. No one crosses my path.