Reconnoiter || Guns N Roses, David Bowie, Bon Jovi

Reconnoiter: Twelve

First, the Listerine.

Next, I used half a tube of toothpaste, brushing my teeth, and brushing some more.

Then I threw up everything I'd... ingested, until bile was the only thing coming up anymore.

Swallow, Callie. Don't spit it out.

That thought only made me gag some more. The thought of having man parts in my mouth was one of the most sickening thoughts in the world, and actually having it happen was even worse.

Most people punish others by giving what Steven calls 'the silent treatment,' maybe they say or do rude things. Last time I checked, you don't get your comeuppance by shoving your dick in people's mouths and stealing what little is left of their innocence, but what do I know?

"Oh god," I moaned before flushing down the atrocities that stared up from my toilet bowl, and stumbled back to the sink. As I gargled more Listerine I couldn't push the thought out of my mind, or even the taste.

That's good, Callie. Oh, use your tongue.

The mental claustrophobia was choking the life out of me. I felt like I was stuck under a glass dome for Cap to watch and control, a dome he kept pinned to me himself with his mind control games. I'd kneeled there, humilated as he used me for his own pleasure, keeping my head in place with a firm hand placed against the back of it.

He'd reasoned that it wasn't real sex, but to me it was just as painful.

What was worse was the fact that I'd betrayed Axl again. I told myself that nothing of that nature would ever happen again and it did, only a few days later. I was a whore, or a sex slave.

I didn't stop until there wasn't an ounce of Listerine to be spoken of, and I couldn't squeeze another drop of toothpaste from the tube. My mouth was so minty it burned to breathe, but I still felt it. I still felt like there was something left of him swirling around in my stomach, though I knew there wasn't.

I had to leave. I suppose I can safely say that this marked the acute decline of my life at home with Cap, if the actual sex hadn't done that already.

I took a long shower and scrubbed my skin till it was bright red and irritated, as if that would help anything. I dressed myself in shorts and a t-shirt before I fled, feeling the urge never to return. I didn't take my badge.

I went to base, but no one was there. I felt like sobbing as I sat there in the spiral staircase, wringing my hands and wondering where to go next. There was no way I'd go back to the apartment, I knew I should probably be at CIA HQ, the sun was high in the center of the sky.

I fell asleep there, cradling myself the way I thought Axl might.

I woke due to a nagging pain in my neck, I guess that's what happens when you fall asleep on concrete steps. I pulled myself onto my feet and stretched the stiffness out of my muscles, assuming there was still no one at base, or they certainly would've woken me up. I trudged up the stairs and into the outside world.

The sun was dipping below the horizon line, and the city lights were just beginning to shine brightly. There was only one more place that I could think of, and I wasn't even sure how to find it.

I didn't bother taking the bus back to the apartment, I just wandered. I had the time to kill.

I started there and then began to wander some more, seaching for the restaurant Axl and I went to. If I found the restaurant I could find the bar, and if I could find the bar, I could probably trace my way back to Axl's apartment, where he most likely was if he wasn't off partying someplace.