Rediscovering Myself

Where I am

(Picture: enjoying the beautiful Lake Superior last week)

The first part to any story or journey is called the beginning. It sets you up and typically tells you where you are about to go. My beginning is not by any means exciting, but I feel like it is necessary in rediscovering who I am.  My name is Kyra, my mom wanted me to be a Charlie, but that is another story for a different day.

I am currently writing this from my home in Wisconsin. My purpose is to be happy being myself and I've decided to "journal" or "blog" this journey for those who have also lost themselves. I want you to know that you are NOT alone. With modern day technology, it can be hard. I for one struggle with the pressure to conform to society. I feel like it is very easy to fall to social media and the pressure to be "perfect". What is perfect anyways?

If you are still reading this, you are probably starting to wonder, "how did you lose yourself", or maybe you are just bored. Either way I'm going to tell you where I am and how I got here.

This past fall I entered my first year of college. I started with a major that was picked more so to show that I knew what I was doing with my life. I didn't venture far from home, my cat would have missed me too much. Not only was I not far from home, but I was about to spend a year living with my best friend from high school. Nothing could go wrong. Entering college I had so many goals set out for myself. I kept telling anyone who would listen that I was going to take up kick boxing. I planned on volunteering weekly, making Dean's List, becoming closer to God and having the best college experience possible. A week before classes started, my best friend switched colleges. Luckily we were still able to dorm together, but because of this change I was alone during "Weekend of Welcome". I found a group quickly, or rather they found me.. I can't really remember the details. Some of these people became my best friends, some of them I already no longer talk to after only a few months of summer. During this first weekend I tried to follow my plan. I did devotionals every night (basically a private or group bible study on a specific concept), I organized my room to perfection, and giggled with the girls on my floor over what to wear during the night festivities.

After that first week all hell broke loose on my plan. As the course of the year continued I joined the cheer team, lost two important family members, gained a boyfriend, made enemies over a bad bathroom experience, stopped going to church, volunteered twice, lost touch with high school friends, lost said boyfriend, became best friends with an atheist, watched 11 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, dealt with cowboys and booty calls, bonded with bathroom enemy over Harry Potter, and completely lost my way. I do not regret anything.. okay maybe a few things. For example not becoming friends with my enemy sooner. All these things however have gotten me to where I am. My path was redirected through these things. I am now on the count down to studying abroad in Scotland for fall semester, and looking at transferring to a college that is just over the bridge for a major that better suits me.

What I just described might make it seem like I know who I am and where I am going, but I am still as lost as ever. I've begun the journey of rediscovery, but with every decision I make the essence of who I am is changed. Good or bad. I titled this "journal entry" as "Where I am", but in reality where I am is a stepping stone, in a time of waiting to see what is to come. I think, we are always in a time of waiting. I, however, choose to live in the now. To make spontaneous decisions to go see movies late at night on five dollar Tuesdays and Thursdays, to sit on the beach with a good book, to get up early to go to church to see my adopted family (I'm not really sure who adopted who), to drive my mom batty, to go on dates with myself and to live my life for me. I said my purpose was to be happy being myself- and that is 100% what I plan to do.