The Wandering Tale of Grigori Verlaf

Chapter Six: Shattered Hope

Chapter Six: Shattered Hope

                “Grigori, what’s wrong with you?”

                Her breath warmed the side of my neck and made the little hairs on my arms stand up straight. I shook it off and closed my eyes.

                “Nothing,” I murmured into her hair, wishing that I had the strength to move her head from my shoulder.

                She pulled away and pinned me with a hard, violet stare. “I don’t believe you.”

                “I know,” I said simply, looking everywhere but at her.

                She touched my cheek gently with her fingertips, making me look at her. “You’ve been so distant,” she whispered, scanning my face. “It worries me. You’re my best friend, Grig. Don’t pull away from me now.”

                “I can’t help it,” I said, closing my eyes so I couldn’t see the hurt written on her face. “Rinny, we’ve been meeting in this hole of a cavern for five years to be friends. And now…”

                “Now?” she prompted.

                I opened my eyes and studied hers, looking for some sign, deep down, that she really understood what I wasn’t saying aloud—what I hadn’t been saying aloud for more than a year now.

                When all I saw was curiosity, I wondered why I was so disappointed.

                I’d known all along that she didn’t feel anything for me. It was better that way, I tried to convince myself. Better if only one heart was broken next year when her father decided who to marry her off to, as I stood no chance in a line of suitors with better prospects and incentives than a poor boy with only the title he’d been born with and not a cent to his name.

                “Nothing,” I said again. Better if she didn’t know at all. Better for both of us. I didn’t know if I could stand the pity I’d see in her eyes.

                “Is it your father?” she asked, taking one of my hands in both of hers. “I know you worry about him…”

                I laughed bitterly, humorlessly. She saw so much, and yet she was so blind. “No,” I said shortly. “It’s not.”

                I regretted my honesty immediately afterwards. Father’s failing health would have been an excellent excuse for my misery, and she’d have no further reason to pester me.

                And at the rate this conversation was going, I’d either snap and hurt her, or tell her the truth and bewilder her. Neither option was good.

                And then she bit her lip—a clear sign that she was upset.

                “Forgive me, Rinny,” I said, sighing and touching her cheek gently in apology. “My nerves are shot to hell with everything that’s going on.”

                “You’re forgiven,” she said, so easily and innocently that I envied her in that moment. “I know it’s been hard on you.”

                I nodded and let her prattle on about anything and everything as I lay back, resting my head against the rock again. I stared at the ceiling of the low cavern that had become our hideout of sorts, away from prying eyes who might report to her father or mine. Even though I knew all the reasons why I shouldn’t be here, feeling the way I did, I couldn’t stop myself from coming back every time.