Right Or Left? || Hayes Grier||

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I began to regret what I'd said to Hayes as soon as the words had escaped my lips.

I honestly really miss him and I want him back but I don't want to be desperate I want him to know what he's done is wrong. Or is that what I'm trying to teach myself. The only thing I can produce mentally is the thought of me being such a huge ass wipe that I can't even just be grown enough to accept an apology and take back who I want when they also want me back. For me to think that I'm going to lose Hayes forever, let me just be real to have that thought hurts, it hurts me a lot because I know he will be able to move on and I won't, he will be able to find love again and I won't because I will be jealous and petty as I wait for someone to want me. I don't want to be like that, I'm not that type of person, I'm the type of person who is confident and can succeed because they try but is it possible that I am turning into some freakazoid out cast just because I am to stubborn to take an offer that I know I should. That I want, and that I kind of need. If that's what it happening I need to make it stop immediately and take back Hayes and get my damn life together. I know I need Hayes to support me and make me feel loved, I just can't handle all of this drama, I need to cut a lot of things from my life. I also need to reconsider what I'm doing and the choices I'm making. I know he can treat me better than anyone else in the long run. It I want to be able to do the same for him. I want him to trust me. Maybe I should think about this more and maybe then we can talk and decide. With the littlest hope in my heart. Maybe we could. Try. Again.