Niam Smut

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Okay guys, I forgot who wrote this so I apologize. But as soon as I find out I'll tell you! I had it written down but I can't find that paper anywhere. So please enjoy this really super long one-shot! Btw it's 9,761 words too! :)

**Warning**
Trigger to those who self-harm

CREDIT GOES TO WHOEVER WROTE THIS!! THIS IS NOT MINE!!

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It was February 14, 2015.

Valentine's Day.

The moonlight was coursing through the curtains already Chocolate wrappers, flowers, and cards were scattered all over the bedroom floor, creating a mess that neither of the blond or brunette would be cleaning anytime soon. They were much to wrapped up in each other, giggling and whispering and cuddling, making promises that would hopefully last a lifetime.

The two had been dating for 4 months and 3 days, the blond calling the brunette a 'weirdo' when the brunette expressed that fact in one of the cards he had gotten.

"Promise we'll always be together? That nothing will split us up? Just like our song says?" The brunette asked the blond hesitantly.

The younger one nodded after a second or two, leaning down to kiss the older boy sweetly. "I promise, Liam, just like the song says." He said softly, his heart breaking at how terrified Liam looked before he had answered.

The thing was, Liam wasn't what some people call "normal". To Niall, Liam was perfect, but before the two had met, Liam had been diagnosed with severe depression, due to the bullying he had received in high school, college (though not as much as high school), and overall just having no friends. Sure, he had his family, but it was hard to appreciate it when he constantly felt like a waste of space, a burden to everyone, a mistake, someone who just didn't deserve to live. Actually that's how they first met. Niall had been leaving work late that night, and in his usual route over the London Bridge, he spotted a figure standing on the edge peering down. It had been Liam, about to jump, but Niall stepped in right before, asking a simple question to try and distract him.

"Excuse me, do you like music?"

They became close after that, and got together after some time. Ever since then, things had been getting much better for Liam. He didn't need anti-depressants anymore, the voices in his head had seemed to have left, it had been about 2 months since the last scar had been added to Liam's wrist, and it was all thanks to Niall.

They were in love with each other, yet, they had yet to actually tell each other it. They've never said those 3 words to each other, nor have they ever engaged in any sexual activities, and if they did, it was either blowjobs or hand-jobs, and it was always Liam pleasuring Niall, never the other way around.

The blond wondered why.

"But... But what if something happens? What if I fuck up? Or I say something wrong? What if you realize that I'm not worth the effort anymore?" Liam asked quietly, biting his lip nervously.

The brunette still had those moments, where everything came crashing down and he had intense anxiety attacks, or did nothing but cry, or doubt everything, or not feel any emotion besides sadness. There were days where he wouldn't leave the bed, not even to eat. He'd just lay there, staring at the wall or ceiling, letting those horrible voices overcome his mind. Where not even Niall's laugh could make his lips twitch upwards. It was those days where Niall felt useless, like he had failed, like he wasn't good enough, or being the best boyfriend he could be. Even though Liam assured him the next day that he was amazing and that it had meant a lot that Niall tried his hardest or even cared in the first place, Niall still felt guilty.