Addicted

Death was on my planner.

11:24pm
I was having the baby.
The doctor told me that it was going to be a he.
I was so happy to hear that.
"Push, Melissa, push, push now, push harder. Come on Melissa were almost there............there we go. It is a boy!" That is what I heard. It was a baby boy. I couldn't feel my legs. My heart was speeding way faster then it had ever before. So much pain.
My heart hurt so badly.
My arms were so weak.
I thought I could hear shouting.
Someone calling out my name from far away. My family were so close but then so far.
Fuck this pain. I couldn't keep my eyes opened. They just started to close.
And all of a sudden my heart stopped.
It stopped.That could only mean one thing.
Death.
My close shut. I opened my eyes to find this super bright light in front of me.
"Melissa my darling little girl. Take my hand and come with me. Honey join me and your brother. Come with us. You'll be fine. Trust me." It was my mom and my brother. I started walking towards her. But I look down. Henry and the doctors,lots of them, they trying to make me wake up. But it was to late.
I didn't want to go back. Even though I just had baby, I couldn't. He Doctor stopped they said something to Henry. He started crying in front of me.
That meant I was gone. Long,long,long gone.
I look up. My mother is holding her left hand out and her right hand on her heart. I took her hand. I went with her. I took the slowest step of my life.
I knew what I was leaving behind.
My baby boy.
My boyfriend.
My soulmate.
My new brother.
My parents.
But I couldn't go back even if I wanted to. I can't.
I took my mothers hand and stepped inside the light.
I look back and I saw Henry was crying but tears of joy.
He was holding my baby.
My baby that he named... Steven.
Steven Murphy.
That made me smile.
And cry a little bit.
But they were tears of joy.
I knew that my baby was in good hands.
He was going to have a great father.
And that's because Henry had a backup plan.
Plan to keep my baby safe.
Adoption.