Depression

The video

( listen to the song its by falling in reverse)

I run to her bed looking under her bed looked like nothing but video taped " watch" it said on it. Why did she want to watch these could it be about why she did this? There was like 3 tapes i put her note in my pocket running back home up to my room before mom saw me. As soon as i got into my room i put my bracelets on to cover my cuts from my mom. I put the first on in that said " the house reason #1". sat on my bed watching it. " Shut the fuck up you lair was she better then me oh did she have better kids then me" yelled bree's mom soon i heard a "SMACK" her dad had hit bree's mom. (video) " Fuck you i never talked to her" " OH so theses texts on your phone are just from a friend then? Oh I love you to baby I am leaving her soon i swear she means nothing to me". " But you have a child" " Fuck that child" mrs. cook read off his phone. Bree ran to her room talking to the camera " my parents always fight it gets worst out though the day" It was quite for 3 seconds but then bree's door came down. "turn that fucking camera off" yelled mr. cook slapping the camera out of bree's hand. (video) " Get off of my child she never did anything " " Fuck you" (Bree screaming crying) " get off of me you asshole".

Right after that the camera went black and the video end, was her life at home worst then what i thought? Why didn't she ever tell me? Did she think i would tell? Well yes i would tell but that's not the point. The next video said " school' i knew what happen at school but i watched it anyway. " Hey fat ass lose some weight" ' just leave me alone" why didn't i ever help her? " what are you going to do sit on me" bree didn't say anything after that. "Yea that's what i thought fat ass" so bree was crying its my fault i never said anything the pain come ten time worst after i watch that video. I wish i could go back and tell people fix things and help her but at the end of the video you see bree cutting her arm. I start to cry with every thing i have to watch the next one that says "sorry about this". " JULIE THIS MEANS YOU FOUND MY NOTE AFTER YOU WATCHED THE FIRST TO YOU NOW KNOW ITS NOT YOUR FAULT ABOUT WHAT I DID I KNOW I PROMISE BUT I COULDN'T TAKE IT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT ME I LET YOU THINK, THAT MY LIFE AT HOME WAS FINE BUT IT WASN'T IT SAW SHIT. I AM SORRY ABOUT ALL I HAVE DONE YOU AND PUT YOU THOUGH WITH MY DEATH JUST PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID I AM JUST SO SORRY I LOVE YOU J <3". I was crying so hard now why did i just never help?

I sit on my bed looking at the wall then i put " sounds like harmony- afraid" his and Johnnie's music helps me calm down I pass out and have the same dream like i always do. Bree crying me trying to help her but then wake up, when i wake up i go to take a shower to see if it will help me to relax. I turn the water and play " brother falling in reverse" its they only song that knows how i feel about losing someone. Bree loved that song thats all we listen to, together we kind of like the same music. Maybe this time when i wake up she will call and tell me about her day and i will tell her about my 3 day nightmare. She is just a camp i tell myself just at camp she will be back in 2 days she has to be she would never hurt me this way. But her video told me she ant coming back she is dead and wont be back at all. How could this be? The water ant working so i get out and go back to my room before i made it to my room my mom caught me in the hall " come eat" she said " no i am not hungry" i said " you haven't eaten in 3 days" " I NOT HUNGRY MOTHER" i said walking away.

Once i get to my room mom follows me in to my room, " let me see your arm" she says " WHAT NO GO" why would she ask that yea i use to cut and still do but she doesn't need to know that. OMG she is going on about how she cares and shit i have a lot more things to do then this like wake up from this nightmare. " Did you hear me" mom says " yeah yeah i am going to bed so please go" mom walked away i know she just wants to help but i can't deal with anymore bullshit for this week. I look out the window and see a tall person looking up at me i run down stairs out the door, but this person keeps on walking then she just stops and pointed to a hole that had something in it. I went to go see what it was but got pushed in. That night i woke up screaming again what was out their was that a sign? I had know clue what that dream meant but i think it was about bree or someone. When i went down stair to show my mother i was 'fine" i wake outside to see if that dream meant anything at all.

When i walked to that hole it had a note that said " JULIE WALK UP PLEASE WAKE UP" what did that even mean? Could this just be a dream or nightmare is bree still alive i start to think about how to find out if this is a dream. But the video's this had to be real maybe to real. I stopped my thoughts when mom started to yell for me and i run back to my house to cry and be alone. When i got to my room i got on face book feeling better then what i did 4 days ago. When i log in i saw people post RIP BREE i knew this was real she was dead no bringing her back nothing. I shut the computer off and went to lay down on my bed to just think about what she would be doing if she was here. We would be hanging out at her house playing loud music and dancing around her room. I fell asleep with the thought of her being alive and happy

(Thanks so much for reading it might be a while till i can update maybe 3 days tops but i will try Thanks <3)