culpability ., luke hemmings

cero

luke

THE FEELING OF GUILT, engulfed me every night, as the dream played in my head. Every night I would try to wake myself up from the dream, before the accident but it never happened. I always saw the bright light of the head lights, and the screech of their tires as they attempted to stop. It was always too late. At the end of the dream, I would pull myself out of the car, only realizing minutes later that she was still in there. I would then try to go back for her, but it was too late. She was beyond gone.

I shot up from where I had been laying down. I wrapped my hands around the sheets around me, to remind myself that I was safe and in bed. It didn't help my heart from racing, or the hyperventilating. It never helped. I turned to get a better look at the clock that was on my nightstand, it was late around six o'clock at night. After class this morning, I decided to take a nap and it lasted longer than expected. As I crawled out of bed, I heard laughing coming from outside my door. Why did Michael have to be so damn loud?

"Michael, can you learn how to shut up once in awhile?" I barked upon leaving my bedroom, and entering the hallway. Michael didn't say anything, and continued to laugh about something or other. In a frenzy, I marched down the hallway and into the living room, "Michael did you hear me?" I called out before noticing their was someone else in the living room. It was a girl, since when did Michael bring home girls? She looked up at me, smiling, and instantly I could see the resemblance. I looked away, and down at the couch where they were sitting.

"This is Tegan, and she's going to be living with us," Michael explained, causing me to scrunch my face together and narrow my eyes down at him, "she doesn't have anywhere else to go, plus she can help with rent." He smiled trying to seal the deal, but I shook my head in protest. I looked over at the girl again, who I was currently refusing to label as Tegan. She lost the smile from earlier, and was looking down as she twirled her thumbs. Then I looked back at Michael, before requesting, "can we talk in private?" He simply nodded in response, and followed me into the kitchen leaving the girl by herself, which made me a tad nervous cause she could be a thief or something.

"We have several rooms empty in the house, why can't we give one to her?" Michael narrowed his eyes at me in what could only be annoyance. I couldn't help but look back at the girl once again. Then I shook my head in discontent, "she reminds me of her," I mumbled. Michael insensitively threw his hands up in the air in frustration, "every girl reminds you of her, from the way they talk to how they eat." He never understood, even when he tried. It's hard for others to try to understand when they have never experience it. Which you think would be common knowledge, but they tried to understand anyway.

"It's different this time," I looked down uncomfortable with having to try to prove my point, before looking back at the girl who was smiling about something or other, "it's her smile." Michael wanted to snap back with some comment or criticism, they were really the same thing. He didn't, because he knew how sensitive I could be. In my own opinion, I think I had all the reason in the world to be the way I am. I went through something, that most people will never have to even nearly experience. Michael instead sighed before saying, "Luke I already promised her, and you'll never have to talk to her, just let her live here."

"Okay whatever, just don't be so damn loud," I snapped, before walking out of the kitchen, and back down the hallway. While doing so I felt her eyes on me, and that made me feel uneasy. Sometimes I thought God was trying to punish me, sending people to me that reminded me of her. Like it was his way of torturing me, because I didn't save her. I couldn't save her. I abruptly opened, and closed the door to my room, before crawling back into bed. Guilt, once again coming over me.

Michael

I was eating at some chain restaurant they had on campus, after class that I usually didn't go to. Well while I was trying to enjoy my food, Tegan had been begging her boss for a raise. The boss didn't seem to be having it, and they just continued to go back and forth. So I finally decided to offer her a place to go, especially after hearing she got kicked out of her house. I felt bad, and I was just trying to be like a good samaritan. It especially counts as a good deed, after I knew Luke would throw a fit over it. I also felt bad for him, of course I did, but he could just be so closed off sometimes. So when he whipped out the 'my girlfriend died in accident' card, it was annoying. He only ever talked about it when it had to do with him getting his way, but I knew Luke was still truly hurting, and would for a long time.