Spoiler Alert

1 - Car Wrecks

I am always looking for car wrecks.

Despite what everybody says, car wreck deaths are incredibly rare. A Spoiler could go a couple years without finding one. Believe me, I have looked everywhere. Public bathrooms at concerts, release rooms at hospitals, lawyer's offices. I even tried to hang out at the clubs late at night and watch for drunk drivers, hoping against hope it was their time, their turn.

But it seems like everyone is safer and better educated about the ills of "the drink" than they were back in the dangerous days. I would touch the shoulder of this dude or that gal and all I would see was a stroke in sixty years, a hip replacement in fifty. These young, hot people would transform to old farts right before my eyes.

So disappointing. I blame the media.

But not today! Apparently, today was my luckiest of lucky days!

The car-wreck couple were in line at Walmart, right in front of me.

I hate shopping at Walmarts. Ol' Wally World has no sense of style and the clothes are fug-dugly! But, cash-ola was getting a little slim, if you catch my drift. I had to get food for me and my brother. We were out of our usual dine of Hot Pockets and Chili Poppers. A store run was in order, and it had to be an--ahem--budget-friendly establishment.

I got the eats and found the shortest line, approximately twenty people deep. But I knew how to take advantage of waiting time. Rather than pull out my cell, like the rest of the seventeen-year-olds in middle America, I pulled out my clumsy charm. And my sunglasses.

Shades on, I fumbled past twenty people, briefly touching my hand over each one, muttering "Oh pardon me, I can't see well. Excuse me, I'm a little nearsighted," while I made my way to the magazine rack near the clerk.

In the space of thirty seconds, I saw approximately twenty deaths.