Silent Screams

Part 1

I wasn't always the shell of who I am today. I used to be a happy and social girl. I was, in fact, envied by a lot of girls. This was all before that sunny May day that had changed me so much. Now, I am far from happy. To me, happiness is fake, it's a fake emotion we conjure up so that there is a reason to pull through all of the crap in life. Because who wants to admit that there is no reason? Who wants to know that there is only going to be more bad things in life, that the hurting will never stop, until you die? So we create this emotion and call it happiness, when really, it's just less sadness. The moment when you are "happy", you have only cleared your mind momentarily or your worrying and other bad emotions are less intense. I can remember so many memories that are supposed to he "happy". Now, I look at them as moments when I was just so naive, I wasn't "happy", I was only naive for believing I was happy. The day that altered my life and me so completely started out as one of these naive memories and I can remember the day with perfect clarity.

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May 30th, 2012

I open my eyes to the bright yellow sunlight that fills my room. I blink a few times as my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. As I sit up, I yawn softly and listen to the chirping birds outside of my window. I watch with fascination as the breeze blows through my window, moving the white curtains swiftly. There are quiet noises coming from outside my bedroom. I hear my mom in the kitchen, making herself coffee and breakfast for the family. I hear my brother waking up in the room next to me, groaning and throwing the blankets onto the floor. I hear my dog, his collar clinking as he patrols the hallways of our home. These are the sounds of my home, I smile at the familiarness of the situation. No matter what, I can always count on these sounds to be there when I wake up in the morning. It's something very calming. I pull my long tan legs out from under the blankets, immediately missing the warmth they had provided. I get up and stretch with another yawn. I walk over to my closet and rummage through all of my clothing for a minute before settling on a cute floral dress. It has a white top with a bright flowery bottom, there is a brown belt wrapped around it, accentuating my waist. I walk into the bathroom attached to my bedroom and look into the mirror. My skin is blemish free and almost entirely flawless. I put on a small amount of brown mascara which brings out the blue in my eyes and brush through my long blonde curls, making them lie perfectly across my shoulders and down my back. It's an average Friday morning for me, I eat a bowl of sugary cereal, have a brief and playful argument with my brother, then start walking to school. I'm happy that it's finally Friday, the week has been stressful for me with Spanish tests and speeches in English to prepare for. I'm due to give my speech today, as I'm walking to school I run through it in my head. I don't have it entirely memorized but I have tried to get to know certain parts of it very well. My day is off to a normal start, I am not expecting what will happen later.

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Up until lunch, my day is normal. The speech I did had turned out surprisingly well. I had tripped up on a few words and pronunciations, but other than that it was good. I sit down at a round table where my friends Tyler and Isabelle are already seated. I pull my lunch out from my backpack. Today, it's a PB&J sandwich. It's made exactly how I like it. Peanut butter on both pieces of bread with a large amount of grape jelly smothered in between. As I take a bite I close my eyes and enjoy the savory taste of it, who knew that a sandwich could taste so good? Suddenly a warm pair of hands cover my eyes, surprising me just a bit.

"Guess who?" A sweet voice whispers into my ear. I giggle and turn around.

"Hi Callie," I whisper before kissing her cheek. Callie blushes bright red and giggles. I pull her down into the seat next to me. I offer her a bit of my lunch and she accepts it sheepishly. After taking a small bite she licks the crumbs off of her pink lips. I look closer and notice that she has a little bit of purple jelly left just above her lip. I lean in and kiss it off. Callie blushes again.