Silent Screams

Part 3

April 6, 2013

10:30 A.M.

It's now Saturday and I prepare myself for a day of lying in bed and traveling no further from it than to the bathroom and kitchen. I'm determined to have a decent day. I settle under my blanket, open my laptop, and go onto a few social networking sites. I look at what some of my online friends are up to. One of them has a post about how she is "sooooooo happy!" about her new relationship. I scroll past this only to see more happy people's posts. I give up on the websites, deciding that I don't want to hear about how happy everyone is, because it will only remind me of my own sadness. I glance down at the smudged phone number on my hand. It's blurry, but still decipherable.

Should I text him? I ask myself. After a little debating: Why not, you only live once, right? What if he doesn't like me though? Why do I even care if he likes me or not? What if he rejects me like everyone else? What have I got to lose?, I make the brave decision to text him. I type the ten numbers into my phone and send him a message saying "Hey, it's Caitlynn. We met @ the cemetery yesterday."

Approximately ten stressful minutes pass before he replies to me. "Hey Caitlynn! What are you up to on this fine Saturday?"

"Not much, what about you?"

"I'm not doing much either. Are you busy today?"

"I'm not...." I'm anxious as I wait for his reply. I want to make plans with Aspen, but at the same time I'm not very trusting of him. After all, I met him only yesterday.

"Would you like to go out to lunch with me?" I type out "Yes," but pause before sending it. My thumb hovers over the small key on my phone that will send the message. I'm still at war with myself about this. Part of my mind is telling me that I absolutely should not make plans with this boy, that he is just trouble. After all, who could like a girl like you? My thoughts scream at me. The other part of my mind, a smaller part, is telling me to get my lazy butt out of the house. I'm aware that the smaller part of my mind is probably the best choice but I'm terrified of being rejected again. I go with the smaller part of my thoughts and press down on the small key on my phone.

Almost immediately there is a reply. "Cool, meet me at the graveyard at noon. See you then!"

I release a large breath, which I hadn't realized I had been holding in. Aspen obviously doesn't realize how big of a deal this is for me. I can't hold this against him though; it's normally not a big deal. People make plans all the time, I'm sure he's always making plans. Aspen definitely seems like the social type. He's probably popular with all sorts of pretty girls hanging around him and gets straight A’s. He's probably perfect, the opposite of me.

I snap out of my long train of thoughts and go to get ready. I might as well look presentable while I'm "out to lunch" with this confident purple-eyed boy. Several minutes later I'm standing in my small closet tearing through my clothing. Nothing seems to look right. I don't want to dress up too much, but I want to look nicer than usual... I sigh in frustration and reach for my black skinny jeans. They've faded slightly since I wear them often, but still look black. I then grab a long-sleeve, dark grey shirt along with a thick jean jacket. I'm not concerned about my shoes; I'll just wear my blue and black sneakers. I pad upstairs to the bathroom and turn on the warm water.

Just as the water is getting warm enough for me, there is a knock on my door. "What?!" I yell over the sound of the shower.

"Don't use all the hot water, I need to shower later! I'm going out with Tammy for the day, I'll be back tonight!" My mother shouts back at me. I sigh, but it's lost to the sound of the shower. I shouldn't be surprised; my mom is always going out with someone or another, both dates and friends. She doesn't like to stay home much anymore and I don't blame her. I get into the shower and start to wash my hair thoroughly with the strawberry-scented shampoo. Our house just hasn't been the same since Dad passed...