April 6, Saturday
A hundred and ten seconds until his character respawns and Jeremy was looking at me, in quest of the moment for my resolve to waver; on the lookout for the slightest hint of weakness. Such a lover of weakness, he's always been, and I was hoping against all hope that he never discovers mine. For a moment I couldn’t breathe, but then I found my voice.
“Ha! Tsch. Oh please, lose everything that makes you a man first, I’ll never trust your kind, even if it were you. Men are filthy creatures.”
He seemed aghast; but he knew how I felt. At least, he thought he did. He doesn’t know that he was my first love –or whatever is closest to that; he doesn’t know how much time I’ve spent thinking about him when we were in high school or how painful it was for me to realize I would never have the chance to tell him.
“I'm a man.” He said, almost regretfully.
“Barely. You have been quite fond of the likings of women since forever, we grew up together, remember? I have never counted you as one.” I laughed.
“What did you just say? I’m complete with testosterones... and muscles.” He flexed them as if they weren’t visible even when relaxed –fitness freak that he is.
“Well if you put it that way, then yes, you are and are therefore just as filthy as every other male in the universe.”
“I don’t hear you complaining about me following you everywhere! Why is that? Huh? And you’re here, at your own will. I'm beginning to think you’re in love with me.”
“Ohh! Speaking of being in love, I found this manga I’m sure you’ll fall hard for!” I said as I dug the book from my bag.
“Yaoi. For the hundredth time Louise, if my parents see all this stuff you have been giving me, I’m dead! Exposed, probably even banished for all eternity!” He threw the book at me.
“Why can’t you just tell them? Sure, my dad went berserk over my obsession, but your parents are different! They’ll accept you for who you are, like I did.” I smiled at him even if he was busy finishing the game.
“I’m just... Waiting for the right moment. That’s all.” He said before wiping out his opponents’ heroes and ending the game by trashing the structures left undefended.
Silence. It filled the room as much as it did my consciousness, but then his words echoed through the recesses of my memory. I'm beginning to think you’re in love with me. Is he?
“Like that would happen.” I accidentally said out loud.
“What would happen?”
“Nothing. I just remembered what you said earlier.” I raised my book to my face to try to end the conversation there.
“Which one? Oooh... Nzingha, Amazon Queen of Matamba, interesting.” He said when he grabbed the book I was reading from my hand.
“Yeah, you should read that when I finish. Women like us can really be empowered by-”
“You didn’t answer my question. Which one?”
“Th- The one about me being in love with you!” I said, probably looking red and guilty.
“Why do you stare so much at me then?”
“You’re making a big deal of that? It's only because... ‘Cause...”
“Oh? I sense glitch in your flawless view of earth and its beings. Admit it, men are just as beautiful as anything you find beautiful.” He laughed.
I stood up in frustration. “Who said it was perfect? And beautiful? Tell me what's so beautiful about creatures of lust and cunning and desire? Well, if this is how you want things then I do not allow you to get near me any longer. I’m going.”
“Where? You said-”
“Some place else! I have no need of your annoying assessment of my judgment of things; I have had enough of that from my parents.” I headed towards the door.
He followed, grabbed my arm and said, “Oh come on, I’m sorry. I may have crossed the line but so have you, I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of liking women; but I forgive you for the same reason that I never thought of looking for a girlfriend.”
“And what do I have to do with that peculiar and utterly unbelievable decision of yours?” I asked, confused.
“Well, I wouldn't want to hurt you, of course.” I pushed him.
“Hurt me?” For a moment, a glimmer of hope flashed within me.
“You have hated the population that I'm apparently part of quite enough; to aggravate the situation would not be the best choice.”
“Oh please as if I'd hate your gender any more than I do now. Why should I care what you want?”
He smirked then and I could almost hear him say “just as I thought” but of course it was just me wishing for... Nothing. I was not wishing for anything.
