Complex » Stydia

2.

so whatever symbol is beside the song, when you see that specific symbol within the chapter i suggest you play that song. bc like, these are really good songs.

♢Happy Little Pill by Troye Sivan

❍Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran

☾Gasonline by Troye Sivan

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♢

It was like a never ending ride that seemed to drag on until eternity. It was a continuous battle within herself that made her not want to wake up in the morning because she had no power left within her tiny frame to keep fighting.

She wanted it to be over.

There was a time, a couple years ago, where Lydia had fallen into the extreme premises of negativity. Feeling as if it would make everything better; make life something worth living.

Returning to her dorm room past midnight with eyes purely glazed; a stumble in her walk which indicated to her roommate, Malia, that she was not sober. Lydia would max her credit card after buying so much materialistic junk which everybody knew was not needed—gold necklaces and expensive shoes and too many things which cost too much money.

She wouldn't go to her lectures as the pain was too overwhelming and felt like she had been hit by a wave of grief which refused to evaporate. She missed too many important exams and ruined friendships which were once important to her just because of the wavering thought that Stiles might have returned for her.

An alcohol consumption flooded her memories. Lydia was a neglected castaway, which nobody, for two years, wanted to associate with as they were afraid they would catch her neutralizing behavior. There might be people, in current time, that think she dressed provocatively solely because she tends to wear dressed over skinny jeans–but at least now she has the mentality of a confident, strong woman. Still in university, Lydia was utterly lost.

She didn't know who she was, she didn't know whether she was worth it, she didn't think survival was a key factor. People might have understood her clothing choice if she was someone who sought higher self-esteem and was confident in their body, but everybody knew that wasn't what Lydia was like at that time.

Lydia walked around in painfully tight short dresses which showed an amount of cleavage which society never appreciated or excepted. But it wasn't like Lydia would dress like that to prove she could wear anything she wanted without doing it to impress a man. She did it because she was desperate for somebody to walk up to her and give her a disapproving scowl. Lydia was dying of the need for somebody to give her an extra push towards taking her own life, which at the time, seemed like the smartest idea she had ever come up with.

And Lydia was convinced it was over until she had been greeted by the face of a Stilinski. The one person who was her anchor; who, in the worst situations, was the only one who managed to keep her sane when she felt like the world was crashing down.

The one who she was in love with.

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