Dementia (Romantically Apocalyptic Fanfiction)

Chapter 2 - Traveling With Captain

Falling backwards, I thought I hit a brick wall.  I tripped backwards onto my butt and skidded rearward on the snow and ice.  After a few seconds recovery from the shock, I looked up through my goggles.  A large man in a long trench coat with a gloved hand on his hip stood over me.  He wore a dual filter gas mask, a black and red captain’s hat, and a shroud underneath his mask.  He held a steaming mug in his other hand.

            “’Ello Lassie!”  A loud, German-accented voice shouted at me.  Blinking, I tried to reassemble my thoughts.  Instead I just kept staring at the man infront of me.  “Snippy, fetch zee sleigh!”  He shouted once more.  I heard an irritated sigh from behind me and I spun my head around.  Snippy trudged behind the slab of concrete and dragged an enormous sleigh out with some kind of mechanical looking, dangerous contraption hitched to the back of it.

            “Pilot!  I summon you!”  Captain called out and Pilot snatched the sleigh from Snippy.

He ran toward us and handed the sleigh to Captain.  Still on the ground, I wondered if he was going to beat me with the sleigh.  He set it down and looked downward at me through the purple tinted goggles he wore.

And instead of sleighing me to death, he picked me up and set me on the sleigh.

            “Ahh, what-what the hell are you doing?!”  I cried out as Captain handed Pilot the rope.  Since the sleigh was about eleven feet long, Captain actually got in and sat down behind me.

            “Come with me if you want to live!”

            “The fuck you think you’re doin’ mate?!”  I shouted as he wound his arms around my waist. 

But at the same time he yelled behind him, “Come, my dears!  Climb into zis magical sleigh!”  Snippy and the unknown one trudged forth and climbed in.  Decorative handles were built into the sides so I grabbed those while thinking of an escape plan.

            “Captain, you do realize the sleigh will run Pilot over, right?”  The unknown person said from the back.

            “Ah, delicious point Engie.  Pilot, get it.”  Pilot ran around to the back and squeezed in.

            “Where the hell are you people taking me?!”  I shouted behind me, already trying to wrestle out of this death trap, but Captain tightened his arms and pulled me back down.

            “To our secret lair!”  He exclaimed.

            “What?”  I burst out, trying to free myself again.

            “It’s just a ship stuck in the ice,” Snippy said from behind Captain.

            “Pilot, start the rocket!” 

            “The what?!”  I yelled and began fighting Captain’s death grip around my waist.

            “Let me out!!”  I screamed, my cries being heard by no one but these dysfunctional people.  My gun was nowhere in reach so I was left half-defenseless. 

Before Pilot started the engine, we heard something that matched my screams.  Only it was about 20 decibels louder and sounded more of a dying howler monkey than a girl.

            “Ho…ly fuck, what was that?”  I hissed and spun halfway around.  My heart jumped up into my throat and my stomach dropped through my pants.  I stopped breathing but my heart began slamming against my ribs as if it were telling me to get the hell out of there.

Lanky, transfigured, reddish-glowing-radioactive carcasses were on our tracks, ready to attack our sleigh of joyous morons.

            “AHHH IT’S CANCER!!”  Captain shouted.  He dug around in his jacket and pulled out a piece of cake.  “I attach you in the name of delicious!”  He chucked the piece of cake at one of the carcasses and it hit it square in his face, smearing frosting into its empty sockets.

            “Pilot, start zee rocket!”  Captain ordered.  Turning back around to face the snowy, icy mountainous slope infront of us, I didn’t even have time to grab hold of the handles again.  Automatically the rocket surged us forward.  I was shoved back because of air pressure and no doubt squished Captain like a sardine.

Because of our current speed, we didn’t even go down to slope.  We flew straight off of it.  We surged through the air and the nose of the sleigh began pointing downward.

Dear Lord,

Fuck you.

Sincerely, Me.

We five of us all leaned back in an attempt to balance out the sleigh.  It worked but by the time it did, the sleigh landed hard onto the densely packed snow.  But the rocket kept us going at lightning speeds, the air pressure so strong we couldn’t move.

Far, far, far, out in the distance I could kind of see what looked like a ship stuck in the ice.  I prayed for this joy ride to be over.