Taste Of Me

one.

zöe

I met Lisa in the strangest way possible.

When I met Lisa she was in another date with a guy, while I was just hanging with my friends on a Friday night celebrating my raise to manager in Walgreens were I was working at.

Our tables were across from each other, but surprisingly I had a good view of her table and her date, as she had a good view of mine.

The weirdest part was that she was staring at me intensely as she was talking to her date, who was a strong built guy, and I guess he didn't see her looking at me, or he simply just couldn't care less.

Every time our eyes would lock she would smile almost teasingly and would bite her lips, and laugh. God her smile was just to fucking die for, the way her eyes would glow as she smiles, it made want her so much.

But I couldn't, I wasn't asking for a black eye, or simply drama.

Her eyes would always find a way to settle on me, it was like she couldn't keep her eyes away from me, I couldn't either.

I didn't know back then how to explain how I was feeling, but now I do. The way I instantly couldn't stop looking at her, the way her smile would do something inside of me, or the way I just loved the way her eyes glow. I knew instantly that I was attracted her, I was really attracted to her back then.

When I met Lisa I thought that I finally found a big piece of mystery about me. That maybe, I finally took a huge step in finding myself.

The fact that I realized why I couldn't look at a man the same, why I wasn't interested in the sex, in dating them. That maybe being with her would made me realized that deep down, I have a huge attraction to women.

The fact that I was a freaking gay and I love, love women so much.

Lisa was a beautiful woman, simple as that. She had pitch black hair, and a beautiful skin that made her just glow, seriously I was growing out of words to describe her what she did and still does to me, she had these eyes that could mesmerize you, haunt almost. The way her lips would secretly give you an invitation to dive in, and taste all of her.

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa was like sweet apple on my mouth, but when you finally to a moment took a deep bite into that apple, try your hardest to keep eating it even thought it was hard, and wasn't trying to corporate with you, you finally take it out of your mouth to realize that it wasn't a good apple after all, but it was a bad apple. It was something that wasn't what you thought, because when you first picked it you only looked at the outside, and thought that the inside would be as beautiful as it was on the outside.

Now I hope you realized that I'm not really talking about an apple here, that Lisa was my metaphor to an apple. Comparing a good looking apple from the outside, then tasting it, and realizing it wasn't worth it when you look at the inside.

I tried with Lisa I did, but things didn't seem to work. Trying to help someone change when in reality they don't want to really change, was hard, trying to be with someone who simply wanted to be free, was hard, trying to be with someone who's confused, was really hard too.

Damnit I really tried, gave my all, for nothing. Just to be kicked and stomped and just spit on. For her I did anything I could, but what's love if the person you love didn't want to love no one, not even herself.

You can't love for her, she had to it on her own, but she did want to.

Time to time I look back at how I met Lisa, I would smile because it was so fucking strange but yet it was so amazing. I would go and think about how she was with another guy, in a date, while she was eyeballing me across the room, how her eyes were the invitation to everything that I was looking for.

Even though I hate her now, my mind couldn't help but start to reminiscing our good moments, and then I would stop hating her for a while. Deep down I knew I didn't hate her, as how much I claim I do, but I knew that I just couldn't look at her the same. I do love her, and still do and it's hard to quit her, but I couldn't do this to myself anymore.

I was fine before Lisa, even though I was confused back then, my life was great. Until she came into it and destroyed anything I that I actually cared for. She destroyed me, taking her time to break me into little pieces, she left me nothing but a heartbreak.

Even though after everything that happened, and that I haven't seen her in 3 years. I still have a taste of her.