Step-Daddy

Chapter 40

Harry and I sat on the edge of the bed, each of us covered in tears. Some of his were on me, some of mine were on him. We couldn't help but let out loud cries. For the first time, Harry cried. With great reason. They pronounced Adeline dead at 7:14 AM.

This would be so hard for both of us to overcome. She was his absolute sunshine. She was the cause of his happy mornings and playful evenings. She was the cause of us coming together as a family and loving each other. She was our reason to be alive and now she's not.

I thought it was my fault, I'm the one that laid her in bed last night. Maybe if I would have woken her up, this wouldn't have happened.

The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that it was my fault. My eyes felt as though they were going to come out at any moment from the pressure inside them. I squeezed my eyes shut as I cried in to Harry's arms.

The police and coroner asked us several questions before they left. Who found her this way, when it may have happened, did we hear her, did we just not wake up for her. We'd told them that the doctor gave us an okay last week to stop waking her every two hours and that she was premature. Harry told them that he woke up as though on schedule just to check if she was breathing. He said around that time, she was still alive.

"That will be the last time I feel her little breaths on my finger." He sat down on the bed, cover his face with his large hands as he let out all of his emotions before the room of officers.

They'd already taken Adeline away in one of those body bags. They were taking her for an autopsy to find out the cause of death.

They tried to assure Harry and I maybe times that it just wasn't our fault. But, we wouldn't take it. After they left, Harry and I didn't know what to do. We didn't know what to think. We just had so much around us that was Adeline's and we just couldn't seem to make it out of the room for the rest of the day.

Neither of us ate or drank a thing the whole day. It was like our life's were on hold. Our world stopped spinning because it was basically ripped away from us in the middle of the night. It's amazing that such a little thing in a little amount of time can do this to you. Losing something so small can make you the saddest person in the whole wide world.

I tried to think that God did this for a reason. He took my precious baby away from me for a reason. At the same time, though I resented his decision to do such a thing to me. To Harry.

Why would God give us something so precious and then let us come to love it more than anything in this whole entire world just to take it away from us. It seems like he's been doing that to me lately. My mom, dad, Addie. Who's next? Harry.

My heart was so heavy, I'd been a crying mess all day. Harry hasn't spoken a word to me. I didn't speak a word to him. What's their to say?

Finally around 8 PM, the tears stopped for a while. But, the melancholy mood was still in the air.

"She was breathing last night, Mia. If I would've just maybe woken her up when I checked on her she would still be alive."

"It's not your fault." My voice was cracked, numb, and quiet when I spoke. I hated he felt like it was his fault.

"I- I know that if it wasn't her lungs then it was SIDS. But, if it's her lungs and they collapsed... It's my fault." He closed his eyes for a moment trying to hold tears back.

"Don't think that." My already sad face deepened in to a more sad one. I rolled over so that I was hugging Harry. He didn't hug me back , though. He just laid there. Silence.

"I need to get out of this house." He mumbled, getting up from the bed. He put his coat on that was laying on the chair in the room. I sat up, wondering where he was going. Where was their for him to go?

"W-where? Can I come.. I don't want to be alone right now."

"I need to, though." He said plainly as we walked out the door. I heard the front door shut and I sat in bed by myself crying until I fell asleep.

My sleep only lasted a few hours before I heard a loud crashing noise come from the living room. I looked beside me to see if Harry was there, he wasn't. So it was either him or I was dying tonight. In a way, I was hoping it'd be the second option.

I slowly got up from the bed and crept in to the living room. The lights were all still on from earlier. I saw Harry lying on the floor. A table laid on its side a few feet a way from him and a lamp and picture frame was busted all over the floor around him.

"Harry.." I called out as soft as I could. But, it came out scratchy at quiet. It was only 11:30, he had not been gone long.

"What." His voice was projected through the whole entire house.

"You need to get up, you've broken glass." I said, slipping shoes on so that I could help him up. I didn't have a lot of strength, and I especially didn't right now.

I grasped his hand and tried to pull him in hoped that he would try and help himself as well. But, he didn't.

"It's your fault." His head sprung up and his eyes were dark when they met mine.

"What?" I asked, dropping his hand.

"You. If you never would've had her this wouldn't have happened. She should've been gone without a trace a year ago. Before anyone even knew about it!" He spat , angrily. He stood up by himself, rocking back and forth on his feet. His words went straight to my heart and I immediately began crying again.

Harry was drunk, because if he wasn't he would've been home beside me crying and loving his daughter. Now all of a sudden it's my fault and she should've been aborted.

But, I'll tell you one thing. Nobody, not Harry, not my father, not anyone in this whole world will talk about my daughter like that in front of my face. Especially after going through what I just did this morning.