Our Rebels /Wattys2016/

10. Diary

I looked at my best friend bewildered. Her eyes narrowed as they darted between me and Blake. "Hi Katie." Blake mumbled before pushing past her. I swear I saw her eye twitch. Without warning she stepped in and slammed the door shut so hard, I was scared it would rock off its hinges. "Why was he here?" She asked clearly annoyed. "He had breakfast." I told her. "We need to finish our conversation from the phone call." She explained. "Then why did you hang up?" I asked in a monotone.

"Phone ran out of battery."

"Then couldn't you charge it?" I questioned.

"I live in the moment." She remarked.

As if that helps clear up my obvious confusion. Pulling me forward she dragged me upstairs to my room. Thats when I noticed a small pink book in her hand. "What's that?" I questioned as she sat down on my bed. "Diary." She said as she flipped it open to a page thats corner was folded dog-ear style. "Why is it here?" I was about to ask before she shushed me mid sentence. "But" I began. "SHHH!" She hushed louder. She was acting like one of those strict librarians who enjoyed thier job like a bride would enjoy a stain on her wedding dress.

"Her eyes where puffy and closed." Callie read from the book. "What?" She gave me a look that said "Shut up."

"She was crying because of Luke." Callie continued to recite the words on the page. "She collapsed. Her heart was crushed physically as it something broke inside her. She drove herself insane. Mentally shutting down and physically collapsing." She looked up. "The same thing happened yesterday. You where unconscious. It was one of those attacks."

One of those attacks. The words replayed in my head. "She's crazy." I heard them say it. Over and over again. My mother crying. It was as if it was yesterday. "I was heart broken back then." I repeated my statement from the phone call. I've only had that attack 3 times. Once when my father left. Once when my brother disappeared. And the last time when I realized I would never see Luke again. That was the worst attack. "You had a mini- attack of some sort. Do you know what could have triggered it?" Her eyes widened. "Did you see him?" By 'him' she was referring to my older brother. He disappeared a long time ago. I still remember his smile.

Crazed.

Insane.

I shook my head. "What did you see?" She asked. "Maybe it was because..." My voice lingered as Callie waited for me to answer. "You like him don't you. He reminds you of Luke." Said that voice. "Was it because Blake said something?" Callie growled. "I don't like him. He gives me the chills." Callie protested. "He was kissing Keko... I guess that made me...sad?" I sighed. I like Blake but I just met him. "Or did you?" Said that voice. That obnoxious and superstitious voice. "So it was him." Murmured Callie. She seemed hesitant. "This isn't good." Said the voice. "I know." I told it back.

"You like Blake that much?" I can't even say that I don't like him. I nodded as if I was in a daze.

"Why?"

"I don't know." I told her cautiously.

"But you do." I reminded myself.

"You do."

What if he comes back. What if James comes back? What would I do? I was frustrated. I felt tears forming in my eyes. "What if he comes back." I collapsed on my bed. "What if history repeats itself." I gapped. Callie pulled me into a tight hug as tears fell down my face. "It won't hun."

"But you don't know that." I whimpered. "He's going to come back sooner or later Scarlet." I reminded myself. "When he comes back."

"We don't know if he will."

I don't want him hurt. I don't want to be hurt. Not again. I don't need more blood on my hands. No more blood.

"Besides you said Blake was with Keko. Maybe you won't even end up with him" Callie tried to encourage me. This crushed me even more. Biting my lip I came to a decision. I need to stay away from Blake. First came the attacks but what if more happens?

I hugged my pillow tighter. No more death. Please...

And I cried. I don't know why but I did. Maybe because I was scared.

That my older brother would be back.

Or someone would get hurt.

Or maybe because I just knew that this all meant one thing.

That I had fully lost it all.

I had lost...Everything I had left after that day.

And that everything. It was hope.