Jess,
I don't know what to do. I want
this pain to just end. I can't do this anymore... My cutting has gotten worse, I feel like I'm going to explode, yet if anyone were to ask me how I am of course I'd say I'm fine, and that there is nothing wrong. When in reality I'm shattered. And I don't know how I can continue to pick up the pieces.
Maybe this isn't right... Maybe she isn't the one 😭
Maybe I fell in love with the idea of someone loving me when I couldn't even love myself.
I'm a fucking selfish bitch. I know that now, but I can't help but love her. But I can't live like this anymore.
Would anyone actually miss me if I killed myself??
If I killed myself I would hang my self. I don't have the strength to pull a trigger on myself, but walking off of a platform into nothing would be so easy. If I walked off of the hay loft in the corn crib it would be high enough to snap my neck and kill me instantly.
Maybe that's how I'll do it. Since no one would care anyway. I mean, yes there will be a few, but how many of them actually know me? How many of them actually care while I'm here.. Living. None.
Well one... You would care. You always have cared. Through it all you have cared. Which is why you are the only one who is getting a letter. Because I love you.
Because I never promised. Because I never thought that I'd have too.
Because I have lived under this mask for far too long.
And maybe death is the only way I will ever truly break free.
