Lost In Myself, Someone Save Me?

Malachi. I hate that I love you.

I miss the way your hands feel against me and I miss the way your lips press into my back.
I can't help but ponder the way your eyes look so happy yet so shattered
But if you'll let me I'd love to help bring back light to the beautiful green irises staring back at me.
I need to stop talking about you like I miss you and I need to stop telling you I miss you.
I need to stop flirting with you like I want you and i need to stop wanting you.
I need to stop loving you and I need to not give you the power to make me love you.
I need to get over you.
I need to get over you.
I need to get you back.
But I don't understand.
Did her lips feel softer than mine?
I was so in love with you,
I gave you everything,
Igave you my body...
I guess her lips felt better against your shoulderblades;
Yes, I remember how much you loved that.
God, I miss you and you don't even know the color of my eyes.
See, darling, I honestly believe its toxic for me to talk to you.
When I hear your voice, I can almost keep it together...
But God..
I see your face and I'm gone
I feel your arms around me and I'm yours. entirely once again.
Because I remember the first time you touched my skin,
You acted as if I was too fragile for you, as if I would break.
I hate you for being right.
I remember the first time you called me beautiful..
Your hands were against my bare waist
But I didn't know until the words left your lips that I'd believe you.
I wish I could still believe in you.
I remember the first time we met,
A promise of flirting and affection was all that was needed
To wrap you around my finger
Yet all you needed was to lay on the ledge and talk to me about the stars.
I can't seem to forget the sound of your voice.
I remember the way you smell, I swear it's enough to intoxicate me but so was how your lips felt against my cheek.
I really miss that old sweater I gave back to you.
Baby, what happened to the boy I met that day?
The boy who was honest and silly
The boy who just wanted affection, who just wanted to be loved?
I miss you, I really do.
But I can't let myself be drug down by the person you've become.
I want to love you
But you're not the person I fell in love with anymore, baby.
The boy I fell for would hold my hand in public
He'd kiss me in the middle of Books-A-Million
He's hold me against his chest and wrap my up in his arms and tell me I was beautiful.
Do you even remember that person?
I do.
I miss you.
Love, come back to me, come back to me
Because what am I suppose to do?
I don't want to miss you.
I want to hate you-
God, you hurt me.
But its 4 months later
And I'm with someone who's not you.
I try to ignore the way he doesn't react to me the way you do.
And I pretend it doesn't bother me that I miss you.
Its the way I miss you that bothers me.
Because I miss you like crazy,
Just not the way friends are suppose to.
I don't miss driving around high, making jokes and listening to music.
Well I do..
But I miss the way you held my hand while driving and
I miss the butterflies I'd get when you put your hand on my thigh-
Not sexually,
More like you just needed to touch me.
I miss the way you'd look at me like I have stars in my eyes.
I miss the way you pinned me against the wall
And kissed me like I was oxygen and you were drowning.
I miss the way you'd hold me in your sleep,
Unconscious but if I moved, you'd pull me closer.
I miss the way you'd kiss my forehead
And hold my head against your chest,
Running your fingers through my hair.
I hated seeing you with her.
I hated seeing you kiss her or hold her hand.
I hated seeing you post her pictures on your instagram.
I wanted it to be me.
I want it to be me.
I miss you.
Just not the way friends are suppose to.