My Lethe

you are no longer my son.

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Qiang left Zhang Wei's house late that night after receiving a call from his mother. Her voice was low, and warned Qiang to return home as soon as possible. The urgency in her voice made it impossible for Qiang to remain indenial. He knew exactly the reason for why his mother was calling, and especially at an ho ur like this.

When Qiang finally left, he left quietly without saying a word to Zhang Wei. He instead kissed his forehead lovingly, longing to stay by his side longer. Zhang Wei's entire being was peaceful and warm, and Qiang could feel it from miles away.  It was like Zhang Wei's warmth covered over him and brought heat to his cold heart. However, he knew that things between them could not be so simple. Just as he was gaining acceptance in Zhang Wei's heart, his father was enforcing his strict morals on him in any way imagineable. In some ways, staring down at Zhang Wei brought a hint of sadness because that is truly what he would feel in the end.

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Qiang pulled into the long drive way of the familiar home he grew up in. It was late, and every visible room was covered in darkness, but Qiang could feel the tension in those rooms even from where he was.  No matter how late it is, his father and mother would surely be awake at this point.

Qiang got out of the car slowly and walked up the drive way without once blinking his eyes. He wasn't afraid of his father- no of course not, he would never be afraid of his father. He didn't have the ability in his heart to be afraid of his father and the threats placed on his well being and happiness, but when there was a chance for someone he loved to be hurt by his father he couldn't help but to shiver. It made his walk up the drive way feel unusually long, and his legs felt as if they were being held down by weights. Each step weighed forty pounds.

Qiang twisted the door knob, then pushed the door open, immediately smelling the strong smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen. When he entered the home, the tension was so thick it practically hit him across the face and even let an ugly bruise. As he walked through the foyer more and more bruises must have appeared as he could feel the tension so strongly. It was something hard to ignore.

"Qiang," He heard suddenly.

His mother wrapped her small hands around Qiang's strong and large arm, and attempted to bring him to a stop. When he felt her hands, he looked down at her, spotting the satin robe that she wore and hung so loosely.  She waited all night for him to return home. The look on her face told him that she waited all night to protect him from his father. 

"Before you go in there, please, do not provoke your father. He is very angry right now and I am afraid he will lose control of his anger. If that happens, how can I protect you then?"

Qiang looked away at the darkness that seemed to be hiding his father.  He could not help but to wonder what father would put their own son in such a position? Is it love for a child that matters most, or is it beliefs? His father took away someone that mattered to him so deeply once in the past, it would certainly show that the devil is in his father if he could so easily inflict pain on his own son once more.

"Protect me? What more can he do to me? He's already hit me, hurt my body so badly that I was hospitalized for two weeks! What is next, murder?! Well I tell you, he can murder me if that is what he wants to do! I will be willing to die before I am willing to hide my love again." Qiang shouted.

He aggressively pulled himself away from his mother and quickly walked into the living room. He could see his father's shadow that was outlined by cigar smoke, most usually the way  he saw his father.  He never saw his father in a good light, but only hidden by darkness whether it be literal darkness or a simple aura. His father was darkness. There was nothing about him that had a light. Even his mother recognized it.

"Father, do not send men to follow me. Do not bother my affairs. " He said as he turned the light switch on. His father immediately stood up, placed the cigar in the ash tray,  and approached Qiang. Qiang met his father's eyes with his own, and curved his lips down into a frown.

"Your affairs with a man, that is?" His father let out a deep sigh that showed an obvious fustration. His face looked exhausted, and despite standing with good posture his father did not seem as firm as he usually did," You will be given no warning, Qiang-no, your first warning was when I peacefully got rid of the last one. This time I will not handle things so civilly. You have given me no choice but to handle your homosexuality with force, so I always want you to remember that. I do not want to hurt anyone, but as your father I have to do what is necessary to ensure you are doing what is best."

"What is best, you say? You think that perhaps.... Treating me like a criminal and taking those I love away from me is.. what is best? Since when is cruelty good, father? Since when is lack of companionship... a good thing? Huh?! Tell me! When is misery a good thing, father? When?! Tell me!" Qiang shouted. Perhaps it was the sadness he felt and built up in his heart that made his throat ache from shouting, or perhaps it was the fear he would lose Zhang Wei too. But Qiang meant every word he said, and he meant the tone in his voice. He was undeniably miserable.

"Tell me when!"

Anger began to boil through Qiang's blood, being completely obvious to his father and mother. His mother couldn't help but to watch him in worry and remorse however his father only saw a pathetic man.

"You are pathetic. You long for companionship from a man when there are beautiful women who will make you feel the same?   You long for it so bad that the lack of it is seen as cruelty to you? Have you ever known of cruelty,  son? Have you ever felt it, in this home? I have given you anything you could ever dream of in this world, along side a beautiful home and peace of mind... and you dare speak of cruelty to me? Is there even such thing? You are a spoiled brat but do not so carelessly accuse me of being cruel. You don't know cruelty." His father responded.

Qiang's mother paced back and forth, worrying to herself. How could things get so far in this way? How could she have allowed her son to feel such pain?

"Is there not such a thing?! You do not believe you are guilty of cruelty, yet the pain in my heart knows you are. The person I loved knows you are. He was ran out of this country because of you and you can still say you are not cruel? Father, You are also a man that lies- barely a man at all. You are what is pathetic, and you are the issue here. You believe that material things can make me feel content well they cant. I can go without them. But I can not go out with him and I won't let you take him away from me. I will leave this family first." Qiang said.

"Then leave this family. You are no longer my son. "