Thoughts of Life

Shipping

No, not the UPS kind of shipping. Although I could go on for days about how exciting it is to get a UPS package in the mail.

This second chapter is on shipping, otherwise known as the concept of taking two people, fictional or not, and making it well known to the world that you believe the two people would make a good couple. More specifically, the chapter is on why I think that's reeeeaaaaally not a great idea. 

Think of it like this, to begin with. There are two ways that a relationship can proceed, either with a break up or with a marriage, and then with continued marriage or divorce. A statistic by marriage expert Hellen Chen stated that 85 percent of relationships end in break up, and it's a more commonly-known statistic that about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Moreover, this quote from The Washington Post, saying that "In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well," shows that even relationships that aren't technically over have their bruises and scabs. So, basically, relationships - they're a risky business, ladies and gentleman. 

Now, let's think up a scenario. John and Jane have been friends for a while. Now, perhaps they've imagined what a relationship with each other would be like, perhaps not. But you think they get along pretty well, so you tell John, "I ship you and Jane." Of course, you mean this casually, and it is to be taken that way, but you've now planted the idea of a relationship with Jane in John's head. It also looks like the odds of it being a fulfilling relationship are slightly higher, because you are placing your faith in its success. 

A month passes, and much to your delight, John and Jane gets together. It's Jane's first relationship, and she's very excited. She turns to you to release some of that excitement, speaking of their first date and its positive results, then the next one they have scheduled. Finally, she asks, "What do you think?" You reply with, "I think you two are perfect for each other. I so ship you guys!" A harmless statement to make her feel better and let her know your thoughts. 

John and Jane remain together for seven months. Although you don't know what exactly is going on, you see them in the hallway from time to time, and they don't look angry, so they're probably doing well. You continue letting them know how happy you are that they've been together, what an amazing couple they make, how you'd support them to the death. 

Then, like 85% of other couples, they break up. It turns out Jane is a compulsive liar and has been cheating on John, and John was paying her very little attention outside of school, instead playing computer games and sending the occasional text. John calls you up, ranting angrily about what a slut Jane is to be cheating on him, while Jane bickers through text about how negligent and careless John was and how suddenly, he's only paying attention because she left. The relationship failed, but because you placed so much support in it, you are 'at fault' as well. They both ask you, "Why didn't you tell me not to get with that awful jerk?" 

Now, think of it this way. Jolly and Jerry are horses in a race you are attending. You plan on placing your bets in Jerry, since in the past, Jerry has won many races. While waiting in line to place your bets, you notice many of the others are placing their money on Jolly. Since the horse seems to have higher bets than all the others, you join the majority and plunk down $50 for Jolly instead of Jerry. You watch the race, and the horse does pretty well for a few laps, but soon falls behind to third place, where Jolly remains until hitting the finish line. You've wasted $50 on a horse that didn't win. You went through with betting because everyone else was, even though the idea hadn't entered your mind beforehand, and you were let down. 

It's the exact same thing with shipping. The shipper is the others betting for Jolly. John and Jane are the one whose plan is altered based on the other bets. Even though shipping seems very casual and just 'for fun,' even though it doesn't seem like doing such a thing would have any effects, it can alter the course of two people's relationship. Sure, there is the chance that they will be happily married for the rest of life or even just for a while, but the chances are small, especially if the shipper is grouping two young people together - the young people are likely not mature enough to have a successful relationship, no matter how well they complement each other. 

That begs the question, though - what do you say when someone asks, "What do you think of _____ and I?" If you say, "I think you two are perfect," we already discussed what that can screw up. But if you say, "I think you two are giant piles of crap with each other," it's taken as a personal insult. The solution is simple - say nothing. Offer a bit of advice if you wish (at your own risk), but most people will respect your decision to not get involved with relationships. And if the person keeps on pressing for your approval, it's certainly fun to mess with the person's head by cartwheeling away or breaking into an intense beatboxing session. In any case, it could bother the person short-term that you don't offer your opinion on a relationship, but it will more likely bother the person long-term if you ruin a friendship or relationship with your advice. 

So, long story short - keep the ships out of your harbor.