Fake (N.S)

20.

Niall's POV

Harry had taken me home pretty much as soon as we had finished. The trip home was incredibly awkward. Regardless of the fact that we had just had sex, I felt as distant from him as I did before. It was as if there was a wall in between us, like I couldn't even bring myself to look at him properly. 

I spent the whole drive home cursing myself and my lack of self control. Regardless of how nice the sex had felt, I knew that all it had done was show Harry that he can do whatever he wanted to me and I would not do anything to even try to stop him. 

I wanted Harry to know that I was done with his stupid games, that he couldn't simply fuck me in order to fix whatever stupid mistake he had made. I was done being his little thing to mess around with. 

Not only did I just show Harry that I was still easy for him manipulate but us going back to our old habits had only brought the feelings I had for him back to the surface, when the past few weeks had been nothing but me trying to forget about him. I wished that my resolve was stronger and cursed whatever part of Harry that seemed to make it impossible for me to resist him. 

Without him in my life, there was almost lack of pain, everyone in my life treated me right. So why did I only feel complete when I had Harry there reminding me that he didn't actually care about me?

My relationship with Zach showed me that I could have someone there who actually liked me and I felt like I had someone who cared about me. Clearly, I didn't feel completely cared for unless I was around Harry, even though he was simply leading me on. 

I was still so incredibly angry at him. I had calmed down after we had finished but deep down I still felt that urge to continue yelling at him. I wanted to show him that I wasn't weak, even though I definitely was, particularly when it came to him. 

One thing that was going to make this situation even worse was having to go home and face my parents. All I knew that all that would do was make my mood even worse. Now I didn't even have the advantage of a boyfriend. God, I hated how dependent I was on other boys. 

Saying that, I had no idea if going home and seeing them was much worse than sitting in Harry's car with him glancing at me every few seconds. Either way, I would be stuck in a painfully awkward situation. 

~

"I don't see why you're complaining. It's not like you didn't have a good time with him or anything," Jade shrugged, laying back on my bed.

I went silent and glared at her harshly, causing her to lift her head from my mattress and give me a look.

"I'm being serious. He obviously wants you as much as you want him, otherwise he wouldn't have done it," she defended herself.

"That's the problem. He only sees me as someone he can fuck whenever he feels like it. Nothing more than that. I can't let him walk all over me anymore. It's not fair on me and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he can do whatever he wants to me. I don't want to be that person anymore," I sighed.

"I don't think he just sees you as that. He could sleep with anyone he wants to, it doesn't have to be you. There's obviously another reason he wants you around," she shrugged, giving me a grin.

"You're no help. I don't even know why I always ask you for advice, all you do is tell me the exact thing I don't want," I sighed, sitting down beside her feet.

"Isn't that was advice is supposed to be?" she asked, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Not unless it's helpful. All you're saying is allow that stupid, lying prick to come in and ruin my life again," I replied, causing her to roll her eyes.