The Bartender | BoyxBoy

||Three||

TW://Self-Harm

I had been sad all weekend. I hated myself so much for cutting. I broke a record I had tried so hard to keep. I hated everything that was going on in my life right now. I hated the fact that I had let it all get to me so much that it drove me to doing what I did. And It was all because of a gay kid. My so-called friends didn't even call to check up on me. "Some friends they are," I huffed. I also hated the fact that my wounds wouldn't stop opening up. They kept bleeding and now I was scared that I'll be put in the hospital again. That was a horrible time for me.

I sighed as I got ready for school. Another Monday. I had a test in Biology which I had not studied for because I got caught up in my selfish emotions and sliced my wrists.

I picked up the first clothes I saw in my closet. A white T-shirt, a blue flannel, black ripped skinny jeans and a pair of black converse from my shoe rack. I squatted in front of my closet and brought out all the drawers at the lower end. It was there. The beaded box grandma gave me. It was sad that what I used it for brought only bad memories instead of the good ones she had wanted.

I sighed and opened it. All my bracelets were intact as I had arranged them during the weekend. I put them on finally after a full minute of just staring at them. After the time in hospital, I had put away everything that reminded me of my habit. But no, my stupid mind had to go on overdrive.

I made sure to cover up my scars well enough to hide them from any peeping eyes by putting six bracelets on each wrist. Andrew and Gabrielle did not know about this habit of mine since I had stopped cutting when I met them. Only my parents and Kyle knew about it and honestly, he was the one I dreaded seeing the most after what I had done.

"Hi mom," I greeted when I got downstairs and saw my mom talking to one of the maids. Come to think of it, she went out often during the weekend and came back late at night. I wanted to ask but after she snapped at me the other day, I just decided to let it slide.

"Good morning sweetheart," she said, her eyes slipping down to my hands.

I caught the action and quickly sent my hands to my back.

"I gotta go."

"No breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry."

I took a deep breath when I finally got out of the house. If she found out, she'll send me back to the therapist for sure, and I totally didn't want that. If anything, I didn't want her to worry about me. She already worried enough.

I got in my car, started the engine and drove to school. All the way, I kept thinking about what Kyle would say. If Kyle saw the bracelets, he would know that something was up. Hell, he would know exactly what was up. But maybe he'd forget about everything and just talk to me, I thought.

"No that was desperate," I said to myself. I didn't want Kyle to think I was desperate enough to cut just so we could talk. He'd probably call me an attention whore. But fuck! I was desperate. Kyle may not have been the main reason I cut but the thought of losing him, coupled with those damn nightmares pushed me to it. I didn't blame him though, I only blamed myself. I should have had a grasp on my emotions.

As I thought about this, I decided it would be better if I just said sorry. Even if I didn't mean it. I didn't like Niall. He was gay, and gay and straight did not mix. Gay people were fucking perverts. But if that was the only way to get my friend back, maybe I should just get with it. I'll just fucking say sorry.

As usual, everyone was rushing to get to class when I finally got to school. It was Monday, who would want to start a week with detention anyway? Well, certainly not me. Picking up my bag, I rushed into the building and to my locker. Gabrielle was waiting for me with an angered expression.