A Mistress Of Silence.

March 1995 (Spring season)

   Spring, the innocent child still loiters on in the cool, cool weather and is often scolded by winter, the icy snow queen, and often cuddled by summer, Goddess of love, only left to play with the scarce appearances of the small, gusty, dark-skinned, sharp faced pixie; autumn.
   As spring is loitering, I am too. But why? Because of him; the shadow that haunts my mind; the secret that devours my soul; the dark one that holds my heart. And yet, I am torn; torn between him and a past love. A love that let me down and ripped my heart in two. Surprised? Why? Because I am the fairy that does not let matters of the heart interfere?
  And you ask "Pray who is this past love? This demon that should be placed upon the rack as heart of yours was; the demon that should be ripped in two as your heart was; Who is he?; Who was he?"
   And I will move my pale lips to tell you all about the silhouette that I used to love; the human being that was once so caring and is now nothing more than a fragment of a memory; a bitter regretful one.
   He is a very quiet, very serious young man. His hair is coarse and wiry; of light brown texture. His green eyes; are rimmed with long wispy eyelashes; that are cold and calculating; towards their target they devour everything about them. His mouth is a thin straight line and his nose is straight.
   Well formed and sturdy, he is not the handsomest male that I've ever seen. He is normal enough. His mind is one of a genius, but one great defect rules him; he lacks humanity. He lacks the compassion towards people; he fails to understand the meaning of love; he criticizes to the extent of cruelty; weather or not he means it, I do not know. I am no sorceress nor a mind reader; I merely deserve what I see and record what I feel.
   But who do I love the most? The Native Savage or The Cool Philosopher?
   To explain, I must begin at the beginning with the story of the first of the two; the story of I and my philosopher; it happened days and days ago; ages from now..... But how can I tell you his story when the native's story is intertwined with it?
  Let me begin with both stories and unweave the intricate knot that was woven on that web.
   When you look into someone's eyes and you feel something named love, what do you do?
   Timeless from now, I fell in love with this savage, but modesty alone kept me from transferring those burning feelings through my marble appearance; but this savage was not mine; after hinting so much to me, he sank into the arms of another; a young girl... I despised her. Why? Because word got to me that she whispered a curse through his keen ears and informed him of my bleeding secret. She had a curvaceous figure; the type I hated because I envied. Her eyes were an endless dark pool that were rimmed with long feminine lashes, and her hair the finest, softest quality; a soft delicate rush of silky gold brown.
   Yes, she was, and still is, an attractive girl; the type that is a magnet to the male sex; she is armed with every attractive force and uses them in a devastatingly skillful manner. But you will return and ask; "What is her name? What does she go by?" And I will not say it aloud; I'll describe her to the fullest yet without revealing her.... The closest ..... Um.... Yes! That's it! The closest that this one comes closest to is ___ Selina.
  Selina; this name means sleekness. What do I mean? I mean that she is sleek; her every move keeps a male in awe. Maybe that's why I envy her?
   As soon as word got out, I hid behind the shadows; I ran swiftly for my cover; I ran behind him; the philosopher; Taurus. He seemed to like me and I agreed to that almost instantly. I shrank away from the savage; Apollo. But alas; while I hid away behind the screen that blinded me from wisdom, I could not see that Apollo's love with Selina was very short-lived. I spent my time with Taurus; I talked to him and I found myself liking it. What at the beginning? I hate him at first and shed a thousand tears for the sake of sorrow of Apollo. Surprisingly enough though, by time I found that somewhere, very tenderly, Taurus did love me; little by little, I laid down my guard, only to have my heart shredded; Taurus left me.
At much earlier time, Apollo left Selina and I realized that by breaking the connection with him, I was becoming very vulnerable to Taurus and he tore me up; I had never been so hurt, but I watched the orb of gold, the sun, rising every morning, gently caressing the sky with it's light and warmth and I built a cocoon around myself; a cocoon of bitterness that protected me from both personalities.
I got to know Selina and the sweetness behind her serpent smooth visage; I got to discover the inexperience that she possessed and, secretly, I was not surprised; since when did young girls master the art of hypnotism so young?
Apollo and I went back to exchanging words; filling each other's spaces; acting almost like brother and sister; Soul Twins and yet in both our eyes, it was more than that.
And you will ask me; "What of Taurus?" And I will reply to you; I got rid of him. How? There are plenty of fish in the sea; girls. I managed to place a chain on him and another young girl by a name that is as normal as she is; but I will not say it as they call it but as it calls her; she is Falan.
Dark skinned, wiry haired and several ounces off the scales. Her figure is another buxom shadow and to complete the image, she posses a high pitched voice that comes out in constant rushes and is strongly in contrast in loudness to Taurus' quiet serious tones.
I sound cruel; no? The truth is cruel and arts are like a knife. I also know that Taurus still loves me and, she; Falan may be a possessor of that information, though I am not sure. I am also not sure about Apollo; damn him; he drags on and on and when I give up and stray away, he pulls me back. He will not claim me and neither will he free me and now I am lost.
I am torn; torn between two lovers that I don't know whom I want most; Apollo or Taurus?
I am torn; torn by the fact that i cannot have either because my faith, my self respect, and my honor does not allow me to have either in that special way.
I am torn; torn between the lover and the love I left behind.
No matter how much love I give to Taurus, Apollo will undoubtedly win thrice the other's gained love, and if I ever asked him about love he will come up with a confusing answer immediately.
I have often wondered what it would be like to be encircled with fierce tenderness in those dark arms of Apollo; only a song will describe Apollo's feelings; or are they really his feelings? Is this how he feels? Or isn't it? I will transfigure what I think Apollo feels; from now on, Apollo speaks....

"*There's no use bleeding,
You can't see this blood,
It's nothing but some feeling
That this heart mixed up.
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the blood;
You see I've always been a fighter,
But without you, I give up.
I can't even sing a love song,
The way it's meant to be;
Well I guess I'm just not good enough,
That's just me.
*I'll be there 'till the stars don't shine,
'Till the heavens burst
And the words don't rhyme.
And when I die,
You'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always and forever,
Until the end of time."

This is the song; but does he sing it?
It would be pointless to indulge in more talk in this issue; it would be best to end it; swiftly, otherwise, pages would stream endlessly covered with meaningful ink.
It is a long story; one that I started. Maybe I will have the pleasure of finishing it. Correction; I will finish it.
But tell me frankly my reader; were you surprised? Surprised that such a fairy as I would be caught in a fatal web?
This is my tale; I am still lost in it as a Goddess; A Goddess of what; who? I will answer; A goddess of the moon on it's own shape.
In the day, I hide behind the pale atmosphere, blending with it, and at night, I come out, pale and pure against the velvety, sapphire heavens. The thousand silver stars come out to worship the nightly awakening of I, their Devine Queen Of Virginity and while those fools look up into the darkness, sigh with relief thinking that I am not there, I am there, observing every move behind the black lace mist, in a throne of shadows.

___________________________________________________

This part took me A LOT of effort, I can't feel my neck!
I hope u enjoyed reading this!!
FINALLY EDITED!!!!

-Fluffy❤️ xx