His Addictive Ways

Addicted to Heartbreak

unedited

A/N

I'm putting this in the beginning this time for reasons you will soon find out!

The song of the chapter is Secret Love Song by Little Mix. These girls are crazy talented! Please check out the video while your reading. Thank you.

I'll try to update within 3-5 days :)

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"We keep behind close doors, Every time I see you, I die a little more"

I know what I must do, even though it pains me so much.

"Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls, it'll never be enough,"

My heart is beating so fast, I can't do this. I can't. I can't.

I have to though.

"I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down,

you and I both have to hide from the outside,"

I can't do this. It's hurting to much. I love him so much.

But I can't let myself  go through this pain any longer.

I need to end it.

"Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine..."

I keep getting hurt and it's not fair to me. It just isn't. I have to have self-worth and being treated like this isn't right. I know I deserve better but I can't stop thinking that I'm doing a big mistake.

I get to the park and take my headphones out of my ears.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

"Leslie what's going on? Why did you ask me here?"

It's now or never.

"We need to talk." I said.

I heard him take a deep breath.

"Well what is it?"

Okay you can do this Leslie, you can do this.

"I...I"

Damnit just say it Leslie.

"I.. uh"

I kept trying to speak

"Leslie, are you... are you breaking with me."

"I don't wanna live love this way,

I don't wanna hide us away..."

"I'm sorry, I can't... I can't keep doing this.." I said with tears steaming down my eyes.

"Leslie, what do you mean? Why are you doing this?" Chase said with tears coming out of his eyes as well.

"I can't.. I just can't okay!"

"Why? Tell me! I thought we were good? Sure we have problems but every couple has them!" He exclaimed.

"Couple? Really? We're not a normal couple Chase? Have you forgotten that?" I said with hurt and bitterness rolling off my tongue.

"Is this what this is about? Leslie we agreed to this remember? Or have you forgotten?"

I shaked my head to repress my memories.

"It's not about that anymore! I can't keep hiding what I feel! How do you think it feels to have you boyfriend sucking faces with a fucking slut? All because he doesn't want the student population to know he's dating an outcast? Do you know how that makes me feel? Like absolute sh!t! I can't take seeing you constantly with a different girl around your shoulder every time I see you! The only time your're actually mine is when we're on a "date" and that's only because we go out of town for those because NO ONE CAN KNOW ABOUT US!" I shouted.

God that felt good to say.

"You think I don't feel bad? I hate not being able to kiss you or hug you! But I can't! And you know why!" He said.

At this point I'm sobbing. I can't do this I love him to much.

God I love him so much.

"I wonder if it ever will change.."

No, I know this will never change, it'll always be like this.

"Chase, you have to let me go."

"No! Leslie you mean the world to me! You can't do this to me!"

"What about me Chase? Have you ever thought of how I feel? You don't know! You never had to hide your feelings for two god damn year!"

"I'm living for that day, someday..."

The day will never come. I know that know.

"Leslie, you can't be serious. I know you can't." He was crying now.

God I feel so bad. Why can't I just be happy with the person I'm in love with?

"When you hold me in the street and you kiss me on the dance floor"

All of our memories were flashing before my eyes.

Our first kiss.

Our first date.

Our first time at a fair.

The night walks we had.

Sneaking out late at night.

"I wish that we could be like that, why can't we be like that?"

"I'm sorry Chase I can't.."

"Did you forget everything we've been through? The time I took you out to eat and then took you to a drive-in movie theater? How you told me it was the best day of your life? Or when you told me your favorite animal is a horse so I took us horseback riding and you rode you horse like you've been riding you whole life?" He said.

"Chase stop it! Stop it now!" I exclaimed.

"What about the first time we made love? Remember how it felt to have our bodies connect as one? When I held you in my arms and promised not to hurt you? When we looked into each other's eyes and saw nothing but love and adoration? That tingly feeling we felt every time we touched and how you fit so perfectly into me!" He yelled.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Please I'm begging you." I cried.

"NO! If your're going to break up with me, at least feel the pain that I'm feeling!"

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I feel the pain? I don't want to do this, but I have to!" I exclaimed.

"No you don't! Why can't you just let us be together? We're so happy together! Why do you want to ruin that?" His voice reduced into a whisper.

God I know this is a mistake, but it'll be a bigger one if I stay.

"I'm sorry.." I said.

"Leslie, you can't be sorry! You're the one doing it!"

"We're not a functional couple Chase."

"Why can't we be like that?"

"I'm not giving up Leslie, I will get you back."

"I'm yours..."

"Goodbye Chase." I said and began to walk away.

Before I could take a step, I felt a hand on my wrist. As quickly as the contact was made, I got turned around and crashed into the lips I'm so familiar with.

Tears were coming down, my nose was runny, but I didn't care. I kissed him back. I knew this will be our last kiss. I kissed him with all the emotions I could muster. This is the person who I'm in love with, who I said my firsts with, but he's also the person who has caused me pain.

I pulled away and looked into his eyes.

At the moment I walked away from him, and he didn't come after me.

"I'm yours..."

I'll always be his, even if we can no longer be together..