Horoscope Posts [book 4]

The Signs As Suburban Dads

a r i e s
John, age 43
• 4 kids
• the dad that gets really competitive in neighborhood cooking/BBQ contests
• wears a lot of polo shirts
• probably a DILF
• was really wild as a teenager and his wild side still probably shows through a lot

t a u r u s
Thomas, age 42
• 3 kids
• the dad that loves to spoil his kids and take them to lots of baseball games
• treats his daughter(s) like princesses and his son(s) like royalty
• loves going to neighborhood block parties, although always tends to drink a bit too much at them
• major DILF, has all his daughter's friends swooning

g e m i n i
Ian, age 45
• 3 kids
• loves his kids and wife more than anything
• is always trying to show off for them and please them
• goes to every single one of their kids' sports games
• probably has coached at least 3 baseball teams

c a n c e r
Brian, age 41
• 2 kids
• a major stay-at-home dad
• is very smart and is always helping his kids with their homework
• wears a lot of hats
• enjoys golfing any chance he gets
• probably really tall

l e o
Steve, age 45
• 5+ kids
• the typical BBQ dad
• loves throwing house/block parties, always tends to drink way too much at these
• loves his trophy wife
• probably sells weed throughout the neighborhood

v i r g o
Nathan, age 46
• 1 kid
• is very quiet and reserved at parties
• doesn't really like to socialize much
• his favorite time of the week is family game night, where he gets super competitive
• loves cooking dinner for his family
• makes the best meals ever

l i b r a
Chuck, age 47
• 2 kids
• used to always smoke cigars, recently switched to vapes since it is way more "hip"
• loves going out to bars and stuff with his wife
• smokes a lot of weed
• probably has a twitter, snapchat, instagram and tumblr

s c o r p i o
Chris, age 41
• 2 kids
• makes a lot of dad jokes
• wears a lot of baseball hats
• is always making business calls on his blackberry
• gets super into holidays and always makes it a competition to buy the best gifts
• volunteers at the school a lot
• hates his mother-in-law

s a g i t t a r i u s
Mark, age 42
• 4 kids
• the "cool" dad
• is always trying to keep up with the new trends
• always wants to take his kids hiking and to baseball games and just outside doing stuff
• is probably super tall
• eats a LOT at dinner
• major DILF

c a p r i c o r n
Jeff, age 46
• 3 kids
• has a strong disliking towards the neighbors
• is always traveling on business trips and stuff
•  his favorite day of the year is "take your kid to work" day
• bought the biggest house he could find for his family
• has a really obnoxious mom

a q u a r i u s
Michael, age 43
• 2 kids
• watches a lot of sports
• is always playing golf on the weekends and in his free-time
• secret stoner, sneaks out to the porch to sneak a quick joint way more often than he probably should
• the "fun" dad
• gets into fights at his kids' sports game
• adores his wife more than anything

p i s c e s
Tim, age 44
• 3 kids
• the hot dad
• all of his daughter's friends are so obviously in love with him
• has a trophy wife
• loves drinking champagne and fancy drinks
• dresses in polo shirts and khakis
• works a lot but always manages to make time for his family

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