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CHANGE OF HEART
By: NNIO of Z-4R
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I stepped out of the administration office after the principal had told me to bring my parents to school again. While walking on the hallway of this prestigious university, I saw my best friend, Anne, waiting for me near the gate.
“Hey Adam, what took you so long? What happened? Did you talk to the administration head again? Do you want to be kicked out of this school? How about your scholarship?” She blurted out. She knows me so well since we are living in the same neighborhood and we are childhood friends.
I just shrugged my shoulders as an answer and then later on coldly said, “Let’s go home.”
Outside our house, I already heard my mom and dad throwing sharp words on each other’s faces. I swear to myself I hate the administration office, but on the other hand if that’s the only way to see if my parents are concerned about me, then I think it is fine to be there anyway.
“Everything will turn out fine, do not worry, Adam, smile.” Anne told me this as she tapped my shoulders, I gave her a slight nod and I mouthed the words, thank you, then she finally went off to their house which is just two houses away from ours.
I slowly turned the doorknob which created a squeaking sound; they looked at me for a while then ignored me afterwards.
Sometime I think if I am a legitimate child or if I am just adopted from an orphanage. That is why I do not recognize the quote “feels like home” because I do not even feel it. Every time I wake up and get home from school, I always see my parents busy fighting over the smallest of things, to the point they always ignore my presence.
To be honest, my family was not like this before, we used to be happy and close to each other, but one day I just woke up and became bothered because of the deafening silence surrounding our house. I said to myself that there must be a problem but until now I cannot still define and point out what it is.
Later in the gloomy evening, while having our dinner, I told my parents to go to school for a meeting with the principal. Obviously, they got fuming mad.
What should I expect? Their only child who is studying in a well-known university has a privilege due to scholarship was caught on violations in school. It is like I am a big dark stain on a white piece of cloth, a big disappointment; whatever I do, they always get angry.
I went to my room after that dreadful dinner. My cellular phone vibrated, I got a message from Anne. “Adam, cheer up! Are you free tomorrow afternoon? Let us go to the North Mall and grab some snacks.”
“Yes I am free, so tomorrow afternoon’s a date, alright? I will treat you since you made me smile today.” I smiled as I sent her my message.
The next day, we went to the North Mall. I treated her to our favorite restaurant and in return she grabbed me my favorite dessert. We also watched the latest movie in the cinema.
On our way home, while walking on the streets, I had the urge to hold her hand. My world slurred as she slowly looked at me, “Why are you holding my hand? Are you kidding me?” She yanked it away as she laughed at me, but I was able to get it back again and said “Thank you Anne. You are the best.”
When I finally got to our house, I still encountered the same scenario. I turned the doorknob, they looked at me, they talked to each other again and ignored me after. I felt bad and very devastated.
Nothing changed in the next days. I did the same routine everyday --- wake up, go to school, study, bond with Anne, try to understand my family’s situation, go to sleep and wake up again.
I always want to thank Anne for being at my side every time. When I am blue, she is there to lighten up my day. When I am depressed, she is there to cheer me up and bring back my good mood. Most specially, when I am with her I forget my problems and for a while, I can manage to smile.
I actually think that I already love her, but how can I love someone if I cannot even love myself? How can I love someone if I do not know what love really means?
People say, you first experience love from your family, but in my case it is a different story. Maybe at this moment, it is more proper to say, I like her.
Not until one day, my father got a heart attack. He was brought to the nearest hospital in town and it was my first time to see him struggle. It was also the first time I saw my mother crying because of him. Seeing my father lying on the white sheets of hospital bed broke my heart. I felt the corner of my eyes heat up. A tear suddenly rolled over my cheek. I was confused.
I hate them for neglecting me, but I hate seeing them helpless more. It was a big burden to me. I was really down. I did not have good sleeps at night. I failed most of my exams and pushed everyone away from me, even Anne. It was the perfect time I need for a mother’s hug, but I got nothing.
Anne tried to call me several times but I kept on rejecting it. She also tried to talk to me at school but I always ignoring and leaving her. I do not want her to interfere simply because I do not want her to think of my problems too.
One day at the university, while I am losing myself from an ocean of thoughts and what ifs, Anne walked towards me.
“I do not know why you are ignoring me, but please, do not push me away. I am hurting too. I do not want to see you in a situation like this because I feel so useless. Stop wondering what ifs, Adam, go and ask them to know what is.”
I found myself walking and heading to the hospital. I followed what she said. I opened the door of the room where my father is confined. I asked my mom if we can talk outside, and I was glad she gave me a nod.
“Mom, please explain to me what is happening. I want to understand.” I told her. She explained what happened three years ago. My father’s business partner took all the money invested by different companies, leaving his father the problem. My father lost his job and given five years to return those stolen money.
My mother always blames my father for being careless on his job. They always fight because they do not know what to do, like where to get enough money for our family and for our credits. My parents also ignore me because they were very guilty. They cannot give the things I need --- material things and most importantly, the quality time we used to have because they need to work really hard to earn money.
The conversation went well. I hugged her as soon I digested all the information I got. My mom said sorry a lot of times. We were both teary eyed as we went inside the hospital room. We stayed beside the bed of my dad as we promise to help each other no matter what.
While having another conversation with my mom about my school, we heard a knock on the door, it opened, and from there, I saw my light. It was Anne.
