life as a janoskianator

Just a fan girl

Heya so I am new at this sorry if I am bad :( vote and feed back if you like so far....

STOP SCROLLING VAND HEAR ME OUT. ..this story has many twists its sortta based on a fangirls life , her name Lucia ....you will see her struggles you will feel her pain but most of all you will see a change ....

Buckle up for some excitement folks,  get ready gor the tears....will they be sadness or happiness ? you need to read to find out ;-)

Lucia pov:

so my Birthday was coming and I still don't know what to do, that doesn't matter anyways , no one cared not even my own parents I would be surprised if they even knew how old I was.The only person I could count on was my best friend "Honey" (I know she has a beautiful name I wish I was like her she was just as gorgeous as her name! she had helped me get threw so much these last 8 years that I am still dredging as it continues)

I was on twitter scrolling and my phone buzzed , it was just a tweet from Jai Brooks(forgot to tell you about me being a fan girl of the janoskians) I instantly clicked the notification , aww love him he can't sleep again. I then started scrolling on his twitter page to see all his depressing tweets since Ariana broke up with him, looking at his twitter page and Ariana's was two different stories,  its as if she had forgotten all about him.

Now looking at the comments how James and Luke were sticking up for him (if only I had people like that in my life)

My phone buzed again this time butterflies in my stomach spreading to me vains to the tip of my fingers as I read the name "Beau". I was a Beau's girl as you can see his tweet read "can't wait to see all your beautiful faces in London" He was talking about the concert in london which happened to fall on my birthday 10 November so in three days.The boys were probably packing now.

I hate the fact that I fuss over them as if i had enough going on in my own life, anyways I had no money to go see them + my dad would probably beat me for going , that's if he wasn't of his face.

I heard a loud smash from downstairs. ...great , my dad was home and obviously was drinking. I heard him shouting as he slurd his words I heard the stairs creeking , he was coming upstairs well at least trying. His voice was getting louder as he aprouched closer , the adrenaline soon kicked in as I locked the door and pushed my wardrobe in front of my door.I was now leaning on my wardrobe as I slid down as I was wondering what he was doing home so early , I thought back to 3days ago , I looked down a my tummy/stomach were it was still badly bruised from were he punched me and winded me , I then looked at the reflection of my phone reveling my face showing the scram marks he left on my face they turned into scars fast ...but they weren't my only scars I rolled up my sleeve to reveal my cuts , I was glaring at them remembering what all of them stood for , thinking of the past especially all that has happened these last 8years as they only got worse and not better

there was a large bang at the door I was now dreading every second as it was no surprise.

"guess who..." It was my dad ,he spoke in a husky weak voice which sent shivers down my spine...the tears were coming I could feel them I could feel depression getting the better of me."You cant stay in there all day .....you will have to come out sooner or later" those words that left his mouth made me feel sick as if someone had turned me inside out, I felt tears flooding down my face like a water fall , I was to weak to wipe them so I felt them trickle there way down to my neck, so many emotions I was  feeling right now. I didn't no what to do , suicide crossed my mind once again. ..voices calling me words I didn't want to repeat as I always get called these....

I got up feeling light headed feeling nothing but emotional pain, I couldn't take it, I got a wet wipe and rubbed of the butterfly Honey made me draw on the phone yesterday. I was scurrying looking for something sharp , I managed to find a couple of paracetamol tablets , without counting I shoved them in my mouth and got it down with some old bottled water.

I jumped onto my bed covered myself under the dovecovers , remembering I was cuting something out with scissors the other day. ...depression took over again and I stopped thinking and just did it , I grabbed the pair of scissors and began to drag the cold blade against my skin, finally relief and stress faded I then felt a sharp pain in my rist I was used to by now though. ...it felt so good I did another and another I lost count of how many I did , I was squinting at the cuts I had made, tiny drops of blood feel from my wrists on to my blood stained white sheets.

My tears feel onto one of the open wound and it stung but made me feel alive....

I was so hungry I hadn't eaten since 3 days ago , not that didn't want to but also the bruises on my tummy were painful, I don't think I can take this any longer, my throat dry from screaming and dehydrated from crying.My phone light up , Honey was calling me ......

I didn't want her to know about me getting abused she only knows a little of my story not the full thing, so I decided not to answer,  I wasn't in the mood anyway.

Once again tired I decided to lay down and try to fall asleep and just hope that I wouldn't have to wake up tomorrow morning , maybe my dad would strangle me at least the pain would stop....I soon feel asleep thats when my past came alive and I had a dream about her&him.....