life as a janoskianator

I'm sorry

I woke up drenched in sweat and gasping for air...I need my asthma pump and a shower. I took my asthma pump and watsapped Honey to phone me because I had no credit also I needed a shower....

*set this world on fire ring tone*

L:hello

H:hello , oh my god you had me worrying so much I thought you went and killed your self I was so close to phoning the police do you know that and. ...(she went on and on, I was getting board of hereing the same old same old)

L: I wish I was dead *I muttered under my breath*

H: Excuse me?

L:nothing just ...just shut up k ?!

*1 second of dead silence*

she was about to  say something and I hung up.

who does she think she is? she really was pissing me of acting like she owned me....no I can't say that she's just caring about me.

I felt dizzy and the voices came back to me surrounding me saying "trust no one!" "no one cares for you" "your ugly , have you seen yourself in the mirror?" "don't look in the mirror it will smash" "you already have bad luck you have nothing to lose" "worthless" "fat" "a tension seeker" "stupid, dumb" "she didn't leave him she left you " "why were you born" "go kill your self" "die in a hole""unwanted" more thoughts echoed threw my head I needed it to stop !

I got up and changed into whatever and climbed out my window. I began to walk to Honeys house , which wasn't that far only 20 or so minutes on foot, it felt like 5mintues especially with music time just flies by , well that's what it seemed.

I arrived,  I didn't know what really went wrong in the phone call, anyway I didn't hesitate and knocked her front door , I was now standing on there porch.

Honeys Dad came out and welcomed me in , I went inside and instantly felt a gush of warmth.He called Honey, she came down shocked to see me she stopped half way examining me , she finally hit the last step amd when she did I ran to her and hugged her so tight. I could feel her confusion but surprisingly she hugged back twice as hard , I felt a tear escape my eye, I was so glad I was here with her and that I didn't lose her well at least not this time.

"Well I guess I will just leave you to fangirl and do what other girls do" Honeys dad said, joking even though it wasn't that funny a faint smile managed to form on my face, lucky he couldn't see my face.He then left us.

"come on lets get you cleaned up" she gently grabbed my wrist, but I wanted her to let go because as gently as she held it , it throbbed. she saw me cringe when she held my wrist and let go, she knew that I didn't keep my butterfly promise, she glared at me . She turned around and headed up the stairs to her room , she closed the door behind us, she turned on her heel with a blank expression.

"I see you have been killing butterflies?"she said and with those words that hit me like a brick, I blurted out.

"I am so sorry, you don't understand,  it was to much , I can't handle this no more I just can't"I burst out crying,  she hugged me and held me tight to make me feel safe.

"its okay, I am sorry. ....look lets forget about what happened on the phone,  do you wanna tell me what happened hun?"she said as if a whisper,  Honey wasn't just a best friend but my mum aswell. I was broken now it was her time to fix me, I told her everything about yesterday and last night , you know the dream.

By the end of our conversation I was drenched in tears , but I was calm now , she  helped me get threw it step by step and understood.

"I think enough is enough"she said confidence in her tone.

"what do you mean?"I said with a confusion in my tone."wait before you tell me,  I really need a shower"by me saying this she giggled.

"yea well you do kind of stink"she said trying control her laughter,  I nugged her and gave her a death glare as a joke, why was she laughing I don't know,  but I decided to join as I remember my mum saying laughter is the best medicine.

After our laughter fit she gave  me a towel and told me to be quick as she had a surprise for me, I agreed and then hopped into the shower wondering what it was , as I had never had a surprise before.